


I'll Be Good

by blackwolf369



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate Universe-Omegaverse, Angst, Archive warnings sort of apply, Death, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Issues, Kuvira has a grandchild, Lots. Of. Issues., Okay they do but I'll explain, Omegaverse, Original Character(s), Original Character-centric, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Romance, Totes a rough draft, but not too much fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-23 02:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3751114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackwolf369/pseuds/blackwolf369
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty years after Avatar Korra died, the world is calling for the new Avatar to step up. A revival of a thought-dead order brings with it a slew of mass-murders across the globe, but the Avatar is already trying to preserve the stability of the Fire Nation and unlock the rest of the elements. She isn't ready to take on this new threat, but the world has no one else to turn to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a Little Girl

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at summaries :D
> 
> Okay, so first off I have a bit of explaining to do. I think this will all become clear in the story, but I can't be 100% sure so I'm going to take some time to lay it all out. (Also for my benefit because I sort of have yet to actually do this…)
> 
> When I started this it was not an Omegaverse fic…and it may go back to not being one, depending on reader feedback, but I thought it was an interesting concept, so…(I'd actually have to completely redo the story, because some big things just don't work. In fact the only reason this is an Omegaverse fic is because I forgot the original plotline and this just sort of…happened.)
> 
> In some Omegaverse things Yin/Yang etc. are used in the place of Alpha/Beta/Omega, so here's a brief key:  
> Yang=Alpha  
> Ying=Beta (I just made this up by smashing yin and yang together…)  
> Yin=Omega  
> There are also some traditional gender issues going on (not so much segregation/dominance of male over female, but the gay thing. It just sort of entered the story when I sort of had too much coffee and I decided to leave it in…it sort of accidentally became important)
> 
> Avatar Korra died at eighty-three (236 AG), and the Earth avatar was killed when he was two (238 AG) and then the Fire avatar (the Avatar in this story) was born. She's eighteen at the start of this story (256 AG).
> 
>  
> 
> This isn't a modern AU but things are very (VERY) modern, simply because I think they would have progressed this far based on canon, end-of-LOK tech. 
> 
> I think that's all I had to explain…I might add to this as I post stuff.
> 
> If you have questions just comment or message me (is that a thing? I mean…whatever. I'm on tumblr at blackwolf369). And if you just want to comment feel free :D. I really appreciate suggestions and critiques and grammar corrections--this is, after all, a rough draft. (I want to finish this and use all hypothetical feedback to overhaul the story and then repost the finer work.) 
> 
> If I up the rating to M it will not be because of seeeeeeex. It will be because of gore and language and only if someone tells me I should.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: cursing, something that some might qualify as child abuse, thoughts of suicide, (maybe) suicide, drug use, drug addiction, sexual assault (mentioned)

Yuzuki turned to Iasso, a worried look upon her face. “Iasso…can you…” She paused, thinking.

“Can I what, milady?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, I will do it. Will you guide Saikō through her breathing exercises, please? Make sure she stays with you, and don't make her suspicious.”

“May I ask what you plan to do?”

 Yuzuki looked out the window into the courtyard, where Saikō was kicking around a rock. Every few seconds black sparks shot from her feet, propelling the rock along. The rock hit a tree and bounced up—Saikō snatched it from the air easily. She stared at it for several seconds, unmoving. The muscles in her neck began to strain until finally she released an angered yell, throwing the rock as hard as she could and sending an aggressive ball of black flames after it.

 _Black fire…_ “I’m going to search her quarters.” Yuzuki did not doubt Saikō was Max…but she needed proof to confront the girl, and saying her flames were black was not enough. In her speech to the people of the Fire Nation she had assured them, with her word as Firelord, that Saikō, the Avatar, was not the masked vigilante Max. It had been a lie; Yuzuki hated lying to her people, but the Avatar being a vigilante…well, most Avatars were vigilantes of a sort, but this Max person was not the sort of vigilante any Avatar should be.

Iasso nodded once, bowed, and exited into the courtyard. Yuzuki watched as he walked up behind Saikō, who was still fuming over her lack of earthbending, and laid a hand on her shoulder. She knew what was about to happen before it did, and sure enough Saikō whirled around, hands flaming, catching Iasso in a firm chokehold. The reaction was unreasonable for the circumstances, but perfectly understandable given what the girl had gone through with regard to… _men._ Upon seeing her captive, Saikō released him, and Yuzuki did not need to hear her apologies to know they were sincere.

Yuzuki turned away, her formal robes swishing softly around her ankles as she walked.

 

Saikō was so _tired_ of failing at all the other elements. She didn’t understand why they were so hard for her—conceptually they were simple, but the act of _bending…_ she simply could not pull it off. Once, she had been able to. She’d almost destroyed the house once, after panicking from a nightmare and lashing out at shadows. She had sworn they were monsters coming to take her away…her mother had dashed in to see her in the Avatar state and barely managed to calm her down. Of course, she hadn’t made it out unscathed. A string of fire had lashed across her chest, leaving a nasty scar. 

With a sigh, Saikō opened her eyes and relaxed against the wall. _Kala…mother._ Yes, she should have been meditating but she couldn’t _think_ about her mother while meditating. Technically she couldn’t think at all while meditating…but today was not a day for meditation. Yuzuki had addressed the Fire Nation today about Masked Max, the vigilante of Capital City. She had denounced the rumors that she, Saikō, was Max, said that the rumor of the vigilante’s black fire was just that—a rumor. Saikō knew Yuzuki did not believe it. She knew—she _guessed,_ and that was unfortunate for Saikō. Her activities would have to calm until this storm passed over…but if she let the streets be for however long, suspicions might rise. _Fuck it. I can risk it. I don’t give a damn what the Firelord thinks—I am my own woman. I am the Avatar._

“Saikō,” Iasso chided, coming out of his own meditation. “Stop getting distracted. You must focus.”

Iasso was an OCD little prick. He constantly grated on Saikō’s nerves. He subtly made it obvious he did not approve of her…mainly her affinity for other females. And yet he always seemed to think she was lusting after him during his heats. _Ridiculous man._ “Why isn’t Yuzuki doing this with me? She always does it with me.”

“The Firelord has more pressing matters to attend to,” Iasso said smoothly. A smirk played around the corners of his lips. “Do you forget she has country to govern?”

Saikō fireblasted to her feet. “I resent that!” she snapped. “I am _more_ than grateful to her for training me, and you have no reason to imply otherwise.”

Iasso brushed some soot from his face. “Would you mind not doing that? I hate getting my robes dirty.”

He seemed even more frustrating today than other days. Saikō stalked away, preferring the company of a tree to Iasso. She leaned heavily into it, sighing, gazing in the direction of her quarters. They connected with a small stable, where Devika slept.

Okay, she rarely slept there. Devika, Saikō’s more-than-loyal best friend of a firewolf, often slept in Saikō’s room, and normally on Saikō’s bed…which generally resulted in one laying mostly on top of the other—Devika was big as a champion warhorse. Bigger, even. Saikō was glad her bed was simply a large (very comfortable) mattress on the floor. On hot nights Devika ended up with the bed as a headrest, because the stone floor was much cooler. Sometimes Saikō curled up with her. The animal’s presence, though hot, was wonderfully reassuring.

But Yuzuki hated it. She often threatened to lock Devika up at the _actual_ stables at night…but she never had the heart to go through with it. _Thankfully. That dog is the world to me._ Yuzuki was smart enough to know Saikō would simply mover herself out to the stables and sleep there. 

Saikō snorted. Devika had been giving her the cold shoulder the past few days as payback for not sharing her tigerseal steak the other night. Honestly…it hurt Saikō more than she cared to admit. Devika was her most constant friend, but now she had turned away. She’d come around soon, sure, but until then…Saikō would get little sleep.

She straightened up. “I’m going to the bathroom,” she declared, not even looking back at Iasso.

“Please don’t burn anything on your way.”

Saikō threw a small firewheel spinning at him over her shoulder. His panicked yelp brought a smile to her face.

Saikō hummed happily on her way to her room from a pitstop at the kitchens. She laughed silently to herself at Iasso’s inablility to see through her ruses. _Seven fucking years and_ still _he falls for the bathroom trip._ The thought of Devika’s wagging tail when she saw the cheesy, meaty quiche Saikō’d grabbed especially for her made her grin.

She paused very briefly in front of the door to her room, expecting it to open when she turned the handle. Instead she ended up smashing her face ungracefully into it. _Who locked my fucking door?_ Saikō thought, rolling her eyes with it. She tried the handle again, jiggling it—sometimes that was enough to move the tumblers in the lock back to the open position—but still it stayed shut.

High-pitched whimpers filtered through the door. Saikō’s eyebrows bunched together: the room, like most here, was soundproof. Her eyes widened. “Devika!” she shouted. Her wolf only made that piercing whine when she was in danger. Saikō rammed her shoulder against the door, kicked it, but it was unrelenting. She dropped the quiche, punted it down the corridor in anger. She let loose a stream of black flames from her palms, aimed at the handle. The metal melted, ran down the door, and she pushed again only to meet more resistance. 

“AGH!” Saikō fired several flaming punches at the hinges, then jumped into a powerful spinning kick, flames tracing the path of her foot. The force knocked the door from its weakened hinges. She lit her fists again, but didn’t throw them. Instead she did a threat scan, only to see…Devika poking her head in through the window, whimpering sadly now, and Yuzuki sitting calmly in the center of Saikō’s bed, holding something in her lap, staring deeply at it like it held all the answers. Her room was in order, but her closet was open. Her katana leaned against the folding door. Her stomach dropped right to the floor. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. Her flames died.

Yuzuki held Saikō’s black facemask up first, then raised her face. Her eyes pulled Saikō’s closer until they met, and she found herself unable to pull away. Saikō hated Yuzuki’s eyes; they were too much like her mother’s. The same grey, the same piercing factor. The only difference was that Kala’s had a soft glow; Yuzuki’s had a harsh burn. 

The difference made it hard to believe they were sisters sometimes.

“Please explain this to me, Saikō.”  Yuzuki tossed the mask to her.

She caught it, and had she been able to metalbend she would have crushed it then. _But I can’t even bend a pebble._ “How dare you go through my stuff.”

Yuzuki remained calm, but the fire in her gaze burned hotter. “I am Firelord,” she said simply, like that explained everything. Which it should have.

Saikō raised her voice. “How dare you.”

Yuzuki matched it. “I am Firelord.”

Saikō was yelling now. “How _fucking_ dare you?!”

Yuzuki shot to her feet, with a graceful stride she was right in Saikō’s face. Her voice was no longer loud; now it was low, and it was terrifying. “How _dare_ I? I am _Firelord,_ I need no more right than that. I _own_ this room. I can search it whenever I please, and you have no right to question my motives.” She leaned in closer—their noses almost touching—when had she backed Saikō to the wall?—and refused to let Saikō’s gaze escape the prison of her own. Her voice got even lower, even more threatening. “Am. I. Clear?”

Saikō nodded once. 

Yuzuki grabbed Saikō’s hand—the one holding the mask—and brought it up until she could not avoid looking at it. Saikō’s eyes flicked from Yuzuki, to the mask, and back again. Yuzuki stepped back, placing her fists on her hips. “Explain.”

“Why should I?” Saikō spat. 

“So you admit it?”

“ _Yes!_ I am not ashamed.” She raised her head a little higher. “I do more for this city in a week than most cops do in a decade.”

“Vigilantism is a _crime_ , Saikō! And there’s a reason for it. You cannot just go around dealing out your ‘justice’ as you please. There are laws, and there are people to enforce them. You are not one of those people.” Yuzuki narrowed her eyes. “Do you understand what will happen when you are caught?”

 _She said “when”,_ Saikō noted. _Not “if”._

"I’ll tell you. You go to _jail._ You stand _trial._ And then, if you’re lucky, you will get only a decade or two in _prison._ But not regular prison, no. You’ll get to stay in some platinum cage suspended above a chasm in the coldest part of the world. And then, just as a precaution, a chi blocker will do their magic on you regularly. You will be alone, and cold, and utterly at the mercy of your guards. Is that what you want?”

“I won’t _get_ caught,” Saikō said, her voice sure. “Besides, they wouldn’t go to all that trouble for an Avatar who can only control one element.”

Yuzuki shook her head. “I don’t think you understand. You’ve killed three men, injured many others. They may have been criminals, but in the eyes of the law murder and assault are just that: murder and assault. Your being the Avatar is the only thing that would save you from the death penalty—if you’re lucky. The judge might decide that killing you is better than imprisoning you for fifty years, because in fifty years a new Avatar will be born and trained and ready to do his job, while you will just be some disgraced whelp roaming a world that doesn’t want you.”

Saikō’s stomach boiled, and it took all her control to not start throwing fire around. “Those men I killed were murderers themselves, and the injured ones got off easy for their crimes.” She took a deep breath to calm herself, but it didn’t work. She was much too far gone for that. “I’m doing what the cops around here can’t, and the city is better for it! I’m a hero to the poor people stuck in undesirable districts—you saw the protest march held when the arrest warrant was issued for me. I am in the right here, and you are crossing the line by trying to stop me.” Saikō sucked in a breath. This time _she’d_ crossed the line—right then she’d have given a lot to take back her words. She stood her ground, though, and showed no more indications of her hesitation.

Yuzuki raised her eyebrows in surprise, but then they lowered into a glare. “I _make_ the line, Saikō. And you haven’t just crossed it—you’ve destroyed it. Avatar or not, you must follow the law. The law says you are wrong. I say you are wrong. I am right, and you cannot deny it. When you come to face your crimes, your mother won’t be there to save you.”

Saikō’s world stopped. Her mouth dropped open. _How…how could she say that?_ She was no longer angry. Now she was just…empty. Hollow. The hole in her heart where her mother used to live grew until it was all there was—who’s Saikō? She was just a human-shaped _nothing._

 

Yuzuki saw the change in Saikō. One second she was humming with rage and the next just…blank. _I shouldn’t have said that._ It hurt her to think of her dear sister Kala, even though they saw each other regularly. Or maybe it hurt because she had to keep lying to her niece…as Firelord, she’d grown used to telling little lies every now and then to keep her people safe, happy, _in line._ But telling a child her mother had been executed for a crime she didn’t commit, for a crime she confessed to to protect her child, that was hard. 

She reached out to Saikō, just a small touch to bring her back to the world, but she jerked away. Yuzuki’s hand hung in the air for several seconds even though its target was now almost a foot away. “Saikō…”

“NO!” Saikō’s hand sliced through the air, leaving a trail of fire as it went. “You don’t _get_ to apologize! You—you executed your own sister—who does that? And then—then you go and say something like _that_ to _me_!” She was angry again, disgusted too. And…her eyes were watering. Tears—she was crying. 

Yuzuki let her hand fall limply to her side. “I’m—”

“You two-faced bitch,” Saikō muttered. “Fuck off.”

“Please don’t say those words in front of me.”

Saikō shook her head. “I’ll say what I want. And you know what? Agni kai, you and me. Noon on the solstice—then we’ll know who’s right.”

Her challenge hit Yuzuki like a blow, forcing her back a step. “Agni kai?” Did this girl know what she was asking? “Don’t you think that’s a little excessive?”

“Not at all.” Anger no longer—Saikō was resolute. “I think it’s perfect. The rules state that the winner is correct in the matter.”

“And the loser is dishonored for life…or dead.” 

A sick smirk settled on Saikō’s face. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you.”

 _She’s much too confident._ “I can’t accept your challenge. I will not let you damage your reputation further.”

“And what will the nation think when they learn the Firelord refused a challenge from a worthy—maybe the _most_ worthy opponent?” Saikō barked out a laugh. “You won’t even have a chance to save face. Do you know how hard you’ll have to work to regain that respect?”

 _She’s threatening me?_ Yuzuki was impressed by Saikō’s gall. _If she wants it that bad, I will give it to her._ She matched Saikō’s smirk. “Fine. Just as long as you promise to follow the rules: if I win, you stop parading the streets as this _Max_ vigilante. You lay down the mask, and I will make sure the case is dropped. I can say Max fled the Fire Nation, and you will have no more worries.”

Saikō nodded once, choppily. “If you agree that if I win, you let me protect the streets as I see fit.”

“I will hold you to that oath,” Yuzuki warned. “Should you break it, I will not hide you from the law any longer.”

Saikō grit her teeth. “I get it,” she ground out. “Now leave me the fuck alone.”

Yuzuki clenched her jaw but held her tongue. “The solstice is in three days. If you are late, you forfeit.” She left without another word.

 

Saikō waited until Yuzuki’s footsteps had faded away to move. She tossed her mask onto her bed and pushed her door back into place—it wasn’t perfect, but at least she would have some privacy. 

She stood facing the door for at least a full minute, not trusting herself to move without having to smash something. She forced her anger back into its box, in turn forcing her tears out. Then she knew she was safe.

She barely managed to drag herself onto her bed before the deluge hit her. She curled into a ball around her mask and sobbed out all her anger. 

Devika whined sympathetically and pushed through the outside door so she could wrap herself around Saikō. She nuzzled her with her snout, letting her know she was not alone.

“Thanks,” Saikō said after she’d calmed down enough to talk. “It’s nice to know someone’s on my side.”

Devika’s lips pulled back into a wolfish grin. She yipped, then licked Saikō’s face.

Saikō laughed and pushed her away. “Not now.”

Devika growled softly and Saikō lowered her hands, frowning. Devika put a paw quite deliberately on Saikō’s stomach, then her own before rolling onto her back and acting starved.

Saikō stood, her hands on her hips, and gave her firewolf a very stern look. “You greedy little mutt. I have an emotional breakdown and you cozy up to me for goodies?”

Devika rubbed her head against her paw and wallowed on the bed—exactly what she did whilst trying to act innocent.

Saikō rolled her eyes. “If you’re nice I’ll get you something.”

Devika grinned again. Saikō lay down next to her again, staring up at the ceiling, her arms crossed behind her head.

“Maybe I’ll go out tonight,” she mused. “I hadn’t been planning to, but…hell, Dirty Downtown has those amazing ghost peppered cowpig steaks. Besides, I need to let off some steam.” She sighed. “Do you ever feel like you’re just not _there,_ Devika? Like…you’re you, but you’re not really in control. Just going through the motions, you know?” Saikō felt like that a lot, and she hated it. Control was her _thing_ , and she needed it to function properly. When she lost control, shit happened. _And Yuzuki wonders why I don’t ever go into the Avatar state._ Just the thought of it made her shiver. 

“I guess I’m just tired a lot,” she continued. “This one guy at the fish place says that’s the most common cause of this. And I rarely get enough sleep or rest or whatever else. On the rare occasions I do I feel much more together.” She looked over at Devika, who was giving her the best _oh my god are you seriously this stupid?_ Look she could. Saikō huffed. “Well. Fine then. Nap now. Wake me up at dark, ’kay?” She pulled a sheet over her and tossed her mask toward her katana. “I don’t want to be late.”

 

After changing into a more comfortable tunic and loose pants, Yuzuki made her way down to the dungeons of the palace. The guards bowed deeply to her before letting her into her sister’s cell.

“Would you like anything, milady?” one of them—a yin by the name of Junri if Yuzuki’s memory served her right—asked.

“Some tea would be nice, thank you--from the top shelf,” Yuzuki said.  “And privacy.”

Junri nodded and returned moments later with a tea tray. “If you need anything else, we’ll be in the outer chamber.”

Yuzuki smiled as she took the tray. “Of course.”

Junri blushed slightly beneath her helmet and stepped out, stumbling slightly over the threshold. Yuzuki was used to this sort of reaction from new blood, and not just yins, the first time she showed them her softer side. 

Yuzuki turned to face the interior of the cell now. It was dim, lit only by a small lamp. There was a bigger electrical light attached to the ceiling, but Kala often didn’t use it. It took Yuzuki a moment to locate the little table— _why does she keep moving it!?_ Silently she shook her head, then set the tray upon the table. 

A surprised squeak shot out of her mouth when her sister tackled her with a hug from behind. “Kiki!” Kala cried happily.

Yuzuki ducked out of Kala’s arms to turn around and return the hug. “Hey. No need to act so desperate—I was here just two days ago.” She sniffed, then wrinkled her nose and frowned. _She’s on her heat._

Kala stepped back and sighed. “I _know._ But this new set of guards is so strict sometimes. They’re nice, but they never let me outside. And poor Junri is convinced she’ll be hanged if she doesn’t stand guard while I shower.” She caught Yuzuki’s worried expression and smacked her shoulder. “Don’t look so worried; I swear you do this every damn month. The unbonded yangs know the rules well enough. Now about my more pressing predicament?”

Yuzuki still frowned. “Well…sorry. I can talk to them; the last set should have informed them of your situation, but I guess they didn’t understand…” She grimaced. “And don’t blame me for old habits that won’t die.”

Kala shrugged and went back to her lopsided grin. “Have a seat,” she said, sitting down herself at the little table.

 _Saikō’s grin is so much like hers…_ Yuzuki shook the thought away and sat across from her sister. “Tea?”

 _"_ Please. _”_

Yuzuki gave the tea a sniff before pouring it. The scent made her smile. She slapped Kala’s hand away when she reached out too soon. “Let me fix it,” Yuzuki said. She poured milk and plenty of flutterbee honey into both cups. “Stir,” she directed, “and be amazed.”

Kala raised an eyebrow at Yuzuki but did as told. She gave a surprised gasp after her first sip. “Chai! You just made my day, Kiki.”

“You mean my visit wasn’t enough?”

Kala shot her a suspicious look over her tea. “You’re trying to be funny,” she noted. “What’s wrong?”

Yuzuki shrugged. She’d hoped to have a few more minutes of idle chat before getting to the reason of her visit.

Kala set her cup down. “What has Saikō done this time?”

Yuzuki’s sister never ceased to amaze her. Kala had had Saikō when she was only eighteen, the same year Yuzuki had her daughter, though she was twenty-three at the time. Despite her youth, Kala had settled easily into motherhood. The father married her two years later. He was a United Forces pilot, and some idiot shot his plane down thinking it was an enemy only four years into his marriage. Kala had dealt well enough, but decided to move to a small village for solitude. Two years after she discovered her daughter was the Avatar and the White Lotus confirmed it. Yuzuki persuaded them to let Saikō finish her firebending training with her mother…three years later Saikō was kidnapped and molested by a man who was a popular politician in the Fire Nation. He was going to kill Saikō, but she fried him first on accident. Her mother found her and dumped the body into the sea. Only a few days later the police came to Kala’s home asking about the crime, and when they pointed the finger at Saikō she confessed to protect her daughter. The people, not knowing who the confessor was, pressed for the death penalty and still think they got it, but Yuzuki —who had just lost her husband, given up on ever finding her daughter, and been crowned Firelord after the untimely death of her father—made a deal to keep her in prison for life. And even after all that, Kala was still her cheery self. Even though she had not seen or spoken to her daughter for seven years, she still knows her like they’ve never been apart.

Kala cleared her throat, snapping Yuzuki out of her brief mental tangent. “Saikō?”

Yuzuki nodded. “Kala, you’ve read the reports about Masked Max, haven’t you?”

Kala nodded.

“Well, Saikō was accused of being Masked Max, and I covered for her publicly, but upon inspecting her room found the very mask and sword in each of the reports. Long story short, she challenged me to an Agni Kai to settle the issue of her continued vigilantism.”

Kala leaned forward. Her eyebrows inched closer together with every moment. “There have been no major Agni Kai since Zuko and Azula’s.”

Yuzuki spread her hands. “Well, there’s about to be another one.”

“No!” Kala’s voice was pitched high—panicked. “Please, can’t you stop it? Refuse the challenge! She’s not strong enough for you.”

Yuzuki shook her head. “I can’t turn it down; doing so would be much too detrimental to the people’s respect for me.  Saikō _is_ strong enough, the only problem is that she knows it.”

“Saikō doesn’t have a _chance!_ ” Kala yelled.

Yuzuki placed her hand over her sister’s clenched fist. “Kala—”

She relaxed her hand slowly. “I’m sorry. But you know I’m right. She’s incapable of fighting you calmly, and when she fights angry she may have an overwhelming ferocity, but she’s reckless and leaves too many openings. If she lasts more than five minutes _you_ are off your game. Fighting her would just be…frivolous.” Kala grasped her sister’s hands. “Kiki, for me.”

“I would love to solve this without violence, but she won’t back down.” Yuzuki looked at the floor, ashamed of her next words. “And honestly, I need to teach her a lesson.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is: Just a Little Girl by Trading Yesterday


	2. Make a Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agni Kai time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Agni Kai…I haven't edited it any, so please forgive mistakes and choppy-ness. I said this was going up like two weeks ago, but then I had to get my research paper in and…so yeah :P Feedback is welcome! I'd love to use any of that when I edit this to repost it sometime next week…  
> Also thank you to the kudos-givers :D
> 
> Please enjoy.

“Happy Solstice Festival, everyone! It is _hot_ today, and we’ve a long day ahead of us—the longest, in fact.” The announcer snickered at his own cleverness. “Welcome to the palace, those of you lucky enough to get a seat. This, people, is truly a fight for the ages: an Agni Kai between the Avatar—” he paused while the crowd cheered “—and the Firelord!” He paused again for cheers. “As this is the first major Agni Kai in over a century, here’s a rundown of the rules: there are none! Agni Kai are no-holds-barred firefights, and the winner is either the first to burn the opponent…or the only survivor at the end. These fights have been used for millennia to solve disputes, and that is what this one’s for too—though we don’t know what the dispute is. The winner wins the argument, and the loser must accept that. Now, let’s go to Miss Michiko, who is with the Avatar right now.”

“Thanks, Kim. Avatar Saikō, how are you feeling?”

“Honestly? My stomach is full of flutterbees.”

“Haha, ever the charmer. Now, I know you home viewers can see this, but for our radio listeners I’ll describe the attire for this Agni Kai. Both the Avatar and the Firelord are wearing the ceremonial shoulder drapes, and both are shirtless, as per tradition—but don’t worry, everything important up top is covered up. Both ladies are barefoot and wearing bottoms to match the scarlet of the shoulder drape—seriously, this is a beautiful shade of red! If you haven’t guessed, the Agni Kai is not just any duel. Avatar, before I send attention off to Kim again, do you think you can win this?”

“I think Firelord Yuzuki has been an excellent teacher to me these past few years, and because of that I think we are well matched. I don’t want to jinx my chances by making a call, though.”

“Would you _look_ at that smile, people! Watch out—you might want to keep this one out of your girlfriend’s view. Back to you, Kim.”

“Me again, all who are listening. I’m here with the Firelord now. Firelord Yuzuki, how are _you_ feeling right now?”

“Like the calm before a storm.”

“Whoa-oh! Watch out, Avatar. Now, Firelord, you are the Avatar’s aunt, correct?”

“Yes.”

“How do you feel about fighting your niece?”

“You should ask her, she’s the challenger. But I feel like this is any other fight—I know Saikō wouldn’t want me to treat her different from anyone else.”

“Okay, final question: Do you think you can win this?”

“I think my experience gives me a leg up, but I will not call the match.”

“And there you have it, folks! It is almost noon, so we’ll clear the arena and leave the combatants in peace. Isn’t this exciting! Agni Kai have always been public, but this one is the first to be broadcast to the Water Tribes, Fire Nation, Air Temples, United Earth Republic, and Republic City! A big thank you to our sponsors, Verrick-Moon Global, Future Industries, and Flameo Instant Noodles—now introducing authentic kelp noodles!”

 

The crowd went disturbingly silent as Iasso readied to ring the gong. The announcer guy— _Kim,_ Saikō thought it was—counted down quietly from ten. 

The back of Saikō’s neck tingled like it did when someone was watching her. _Come on. You’ve had more eyes than this in a single probending match._ Yes, but probending matches didn’t affect anything like _honor._ They didn’t play a part in the only thing that made Saikō feel she had _power._ And they _certainly_ didn’t concern her _aunt_ in all her Firelord _glory_ showing off before a _duel_ doing _chi-strengthening_ exercises. _Why can’t I get those exercises to work for me?_

The ground she was kneeling on was starting to dig into her knees. The loose pants might be patterned to look like they had knee and hip padding, but in truth they were the thinnest freaking pants Saikō owned. When the wind blew, it made her feel exposed and a little chilly. The silky shoulder drape fluttered against her stomach…it tickled, and she had to bite her lip to keep from giggling. 

 _Stop! Focus. Focus._ What number was the announcer at? Was that the gong? Was it time to stand already? Saikō’s shoulders shook with tension. Her ankles popped, shook like the rest of her. Her thighs burned as she readied to rise. 

“ _Four…_ ”the announcer said. “ _Three…Two…One._ ” 

Iasso rang the gong. The sound reverberated through every bone in Saikō’s body, rattled every cell, put cracks in the last bits of her confidence. _Stand._ Her brain screamed at her to move, but her muscles weren’t getting the message. _Get up. Get up!_ She released a breath she hadn’t known she was holding when she found herself rising. Turning. A small shrug sent the silk fluttering to the ground. Yuzuki’s movements mirrored Saikō’s own, and together they dropped into identical stances: knees bent, feet light, hands held in front. Yuzuki circled to Saikō’s left; Saikō started circling right. The crowd’s silence had become a roar in her ears—no. This roar was fire, soaring at her, around her. A hasty circular movement of her arms dispersed the flames before they could burn her.

Saikō had missed Yuzuki’s first move, but she could see her settling back into her ready position. _A test,_ Saikō realized. _Now she knows my focus is off—No! Don’t dwell. Watch her hips. Shoulders. Eyes. Just like she taught you._ She unfocused her gaze slightly to get a better view of Yuzuki’s entire body. Details became blurry, but she was able to see the next strike coming. Saikō ducked under a fireball that never came.

Her cheeks reddened as the titters from the crowd reached her ears. A slight smirk touched Yuzuki’s lips, eliciting a growl from deep in Saikō’s throat. She scowled, but didn’t give in to her anger just yet.

“And they are still circling after one halfhearted strike and an oddly large twitch,” Kim said into his microphone. His words prodded at the beasts in the arena. “Both ladies have a history in probending, but I think it’s obvious now this will be nothing like a probending duel.” He droned on, but Saikō tuned him out.

 _Strike now._ Then tension between the two women was rising steadily. Maybe if she gave it her all at the beginning it would be enough to give her the upper hand. _She’s trying to smoke me out. She wants my attack._ Saikō straightened up slightly, brought her hands together at her left hip. A condensed ball of black fire blossomed between her palms, expanding quickly until she had a dense ball the size of a Satomobile wheel. Yuzuki raised her eyebrows at Saikō like _What are you waiting for?_

And she snapped. Saikō hurled the ball at Yuzuki with a yell and didn’t wait to see if it connected. She threw two flaming punches after it before summoning up a fireblade in each hand and dashing into Yuzuki’s space. She slashed up, left, didn’t connect—Yuzuki was already in the air, over Saikō’s head, fire spitting from her fingertips as they passed in front of Saikō’s face. Saikō crouched low and spun around, one leg stretched out to sweep Yuzuki off her feet. 

Yuzuki danced back, giving Saikō just enough time to straighten up some before hosing her with fire. Saikō threw her arms up in front of her and sprinted through the flames. She came out of them with her fist already smashing into Yuzuki’s jaw. Yuzuki’s head snapped back, but she righted it almost immediately. 

 _She’s still reeling._ Saikō aimed a flaming high kick at Yuzuki’s head—she wasn’t _reeling_ as much as Saikō had thought. She caught Saikō’s ankle and held it high in the air, leaned around it and breathed out a stream of fire. Saikō’s eyes went wide—she was too off-balance to get free _and_ keep her ground…she spat out her own flames, and the two streams met and mingled in a mess of orange and black. Saikō reached out to the fire and pushed it over Yuzuki, took the moment to wrench her leg free, swing her other one up. This time it connected with Yuzuki’s side, knocked her to her knees. 

Saikō thought that surely her aunt would have a burn, even if only a small one. _I just need a small one. She couldn’t have avoided all that._ But Yuzuki’s skin was unmarred: a loss. Yet she gasped for breath: a win. Saikō gave her anger some ground and let it power the next punches she sent: black streak after black streak after—suddenly Saikō was falling, suddenly she was on the ground, suddenly Yuzuki stood over her, fists flaming.

 _Don’t get ahead of yourself,_ Saikō chided. _Get up. Get up. Get up._ She would not lie down and take this—she spun her legs, streams of fire shooting from her feet, flipped onto her stomach and propelled herself up with jets of fire from her palms. Her back kick hit Yuzuki in her gut, sent her stumbling back. She surged forward and barreled into Yuzuki’s legs, and together they slammed into the ground. 

 _I’ve got her._ Saikō leaned her weight into her knees, used that to keep Yuzuki’s arms pinned down. A smug smirk spread across Saikō’s face. She pressed one hand over Yuzuki’s mouth to prevent her from breathing fire, and the other she raised into the air, fire swirling in her palm. Yuzuki resisted, pulled at her arms, bucked up her hips, but she couldn’t throw Saikō. Flecks of fear rose in her eyes as Saikō lowered her hand, only to be erased quickly by steel.

Saikō faltered when Yuzuki closed her eyes, and that was all she needed. She raised her legs up quickly and smashed her knees into Saikō’s back. Saikō cried out in surprise more than pain, but the force of Yuzuki’s hit knocked her breath out. The fire in her hand disappeared, her weight shifted from her knees, and Yuzuki pulled her arms free. While Saikō was still dazed she punched her in the nose, followed by a jab to her jaw and a great push onto her back.

Saikō groaned and clutched her face. She shook the pain away and rolled onto her stomach. She got her hands under her to push herself up, and had to cringe at the way the dust and grit from the ground caked in the blood—her blood—on her hands. She managed to raise herself to her knees but didn’t try for more—her ankle felt weird where Yuzuki had grabbed it, and now that she noticed the pain she didn’t trust it to hold her weight.

Yuzuki stepped closer to Saikō, ducked her flaming fist, and pushed her back to the ground with a vicious side kick. Before she could push herself back up, Yuzuki slammed her shin into Saikō’s side and then jerked her foot up. The force of the combo propelled Saikō into the air a few inches, and she landed on her back. She didn’t even try getting up.

Yuzuki summoned a whip of fire, cracked it in the air once before lashing Saikō’s right arm with it. A long, thin burn traced its way down the arm.

The pain barely registered with Saikō—she was more concerned with the fact that she’d lost. _At least…I was able to put up a fight._ The thought was no consolation.

Iasso rang the gong, signaling the end of the duel. Saikō went limp, to tired now to bother with moving. She closed her eyes, and soon was out.

 

The duel was on the news that night. Kim the announcer added in his two cents on the firelord’s performance, saying that her method during the fight was more than disappointing and a little disgusting…but she won fair and square regardless.

Yuzuki turned the television off before the sports analysts could pick apart the fight. Her skin prickled a little bit about being publicly degraded, but hell—she agreed. She rubbed the bridge of her nose to soften her headache a little.

“Iasso!” she called. The man knocked once before poking his head through the door.

“Yes, milady?”

“Has Saikō woken yet?”

Iasso nodded. “She woke soon after the healer left.”

Yuzuki nibbled at her fingernail absentmindedly. “How is she?”

“Physically, fine. The healer said her ankle would be sore and she’d have bruises for a while, but the burn won’t scar and everything broken was fixed.”

She rose calmly, but inside her stomach churned. “Good. Bring her to the practice room…if she asks why…make something up.”

Iasso bowed out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Passed 69 views today…XD  
> http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/dumbledoresarmyroleplay/images/9/9e/Screen_Shot_2015-05-01_at_7.43.53_PM.png/revision/latest?cb=20150501234644
> 
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
> The above is a little thing I did like four months ago when I first had this idea…sort of how I imagine Saikō dressed.
> 
> Is it just me or does the pattern on her pants look sort of like that of the Equalists'?
> 
> Song for this chapter and the next is: Make a Move by Icon for Hire


	3. Make a Move II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's short, but...I should be posting the next chapter tomorrow or Wednesday.

Saikō entered the practice room unsure of what to expect. She was sore, but her pride hurt more. 

Iasso refused to tell her why he was dragging her down here so late at night. _I really just want to go to sleep…_

But damn if Yuzuki wasn’t standing in the room in all her victorious glory. Saikō glared at her and spun back to the door, intent on leaving. _I’m not dealing with her._

“Stop.”

Saikō froze. Something in Yuzuki’s voice acted like a leash, and she’d just reached the end of it. “ _What?_ ” she demanded.

“Iasso, please leave us.”

Iasso bowed low and slipped out.

Saikō could hear the light patter of Yuzuki’s steps as she came closer.

“Saikō.” Yuzuki was practically on top of her now. “I owe you an apology for earlier today.”

“I don’t want it,” Saikō spat. 

 

“You’re getting it,” Yuzuki said, her voice hardening. “I shouldn’t have beat on you like I did. The fight was fair, but it wasn’t clean and I should have held back some of my blows.” She paused as if expecting Saikō to reply. After a few seconds of silence, she continued. “I want to offer you a second chance. No strengthened chi, no low blows, winner wins the argument.”

Saikō snorted. “You wouldn’t make that offer if you thought you could lose.”

“You’re going to take me up on it regardless.” It wasn’t an order, or a threat; it was simply a fact.

Saikō bared her teeth at the floor. “Fine,” she snapped. “Don’t expect it to be easy for you.” She stalked to the center of the room and flung her tank top off to the side. The flutterbees from before had fled her gut, leaving only a boiling pit of anger. She dropped into a ready stance as Yuzuki stepped into place a few yards away. 

 _I’m taking her down,_ Saikō promised herself. _I’m taking her down, and she’s going to regret telling me_ I _was wrong._

“On one, then,” Yuzuki said. 

Saikō nodded once. Her hands were already starting to get hot 

“Three.”

The muscles in her legs pulled taut, preparing for her lunge.

“Two.”

She leaned her weight onto the balls of her feet.

“One.”

Saikō shot forward like a racing ostrich horse from the gate. Her hands trailed behind her, each adorned with swirling, dense balls of black heat. She slammed into Yuzuki and brought her hands around to press them into her sides, but Yuzuki’s own flaming hands caught Saikō’s and the two women were locked in a push-and-pull of power. 

Saikō glared viciously into Yuzuki’s calm eyes. With a yell she swung her right knee at Yuzuki’s gut. Yuzuki released Saikō’s hand and grabbed her leg before it could hit. She pulled up and to the right while swiping Saikō’s anchor leg to the left. The force of Yuzuki’s upward pull sent Saikō into an awkward aerial half-cartwheel. She landed on her side so hard her breath fled and spots danced in her eyes 

 _Fuck—my shoulder._ The fall had landed her with her left arm trapped between her head and the floor and the muscles around her armpit were on fire from being overextended while still cold 

“Get up!” Yuzuki sang. “I know you’ve got more than that.” From her spot on the floor Saikō had a good view of Yuzuki’s bouncing feet.

Saikō grit her teeth—no way was she losing twice in one day, not to the same person. She rolled onto her stomach, used her good arm to push herself to her knees, and from there to her feet. She glared viciously at Yuzuki. “Do _not_ taunt me,” she growled. Flames licked at her fingertips. 

Yuzuki just smirked. “Ready when you are.”

 _Left, right, high kick, side kick, tackle_. Saikō called out each strike mentally as she performed them, but Yuzuki caught all Saikō’s fire and turned it back to nothing. When Saikō’s shoulder connected with her gut she allowed herself to be forced against a wall. For a moment Saikō thought victory was within reach, but when she looked at Yuzuki’s face and saw her smirk her hopes were dashed.

Saikō pressed her forearm into Yuzuki’s throat and held her calm gaze with her own burning one. _Fight me,_ Saikō pleaded silently. _Come on, strike back._ She felt Yuzuki’s muscles tensing and backpedaled, backflipped to increase the distance between them. Streaks of fire chased after her, but they dissipated before they could hit. 

Yuzuki stretched her arms out to the side and brought them together with a circular motion. Electricity crackled around her fingertips. 

 _Holy fucking shit._ Saikō and lightning were not a good combination. _What the fucking hell?_ How did this not count as dirty fighting? Saikō sent several pinwheels of fire at Yuzuki to try to buy her time for a larger firestorm.

Evidently Yuzuki was thinking along similar lines; she was still except for the smallest movements necessary to dodge Saikō's fire, and the crackling around her fingertips kept getting louder and more urgent.

 _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._ Saikō had never had the peace of mind or patience to produce or redirect lighting. She doubted she ever would. _Bitch. Fine._ Saikō ceased her attacks and took a deep breath, held it in, and let her body get hotter. She started to sweat holding all her flames in, but she waited for the heat to crescendo--as long as she released it before it dropped she'd be okay. She couldn't think about the alternative. _Faster, dammit. Come on!_ She needed this out before Yuzuki let fly her lightning, so she stoked it with her anger. _You won't be able to control it,_ nagged the sensible part of her mind. _Who cares?_ she thought back. Anger was the most unpredictable of fuels for a firebender--but it was arguably the best.

And Saikō was the best at using it.

Yuzuki stretched slowly, carefully keeping her lightning away from her heart. Flames sprouted from Saikō's fingers and feet as the flames itched to get out. She jumped into the air and stomped her feet down hard, used that momentum to slam her fists to the ground in front of her with enough force to expel all the fire she'd held in. It was a modified earthbending move, and it was damn effective--a wall of dense, concentrated fire exploded from Saikō and shot quickly at Yuzuki--but the recovery time was a few seconds too long; Saikō hadn't gotten it out fast enough and she didn't have the strength to move enough to avoid the lightning.

The _noise_ would have been enough to daze her at least. The electricity _split_ the air, Saikō could feel it, and the resulting thunder shook the room. The heat rolled over her a second before the lightning hit the floor directly in front of her, blowing a hole in it, sending Saikō several feet into the air. Smaller bits of lightning followed her up and ran through her, leaving entry and exit burns. She slammed into the floor, her muscles seizing up, her breath shooting out of her lungs. She rolled onto her stomach and put her palms flat on the floor, trying to push herself up, but with no breath and much pain she couldn't do much more. Panic rose in her chest-- _I need…to breathe…_ After what seemed like an eternity, she was able to pull air back in. 

 _I can fight more,_ she tried to convince herself. _Get up._

Yuzuki grabbed Saikō by her hair and pulled her to her knees. Saikō's hands scrabbled at Yuzuki's fist, but she couldn't loosen it, and she was too panicked to remember her fire. 

"NO!" she cried. Yuzuki was behind her, out of view, but Saikō could feel the heat in her free hand, knew it was coming for her.

"You've always been a fast learner," Yuzuki said, her voice calm but still steel. "But you've also always been much too confident. I hate that you have to learn your lesson this way, but it's better than getting yourself killed."

Saikō's eyes stung. Her chest heaved. _No. No. No._ She couldn't stop her night watches. There were some things--no, some _people_ much too important to just leave them out because she was weak. _No. Not weak. You've never--she's never fought like this before. It's not my fault. I have to be ready for this stuff!_ "Please," she choked out, her voice weak and desperate.

"The real world has no mercy," Yuzuki hissed as she dug her clawed, flaming hand into Saikō's stomach, "so nor will I."

Saikō gasped when her hand connected, but the pain didn't register for several seconds. She'd been burned before, but this--this was different. All the pain--mental, emotional, physical--and the smell of her own burning flesh tore an agonized scream from her throat. She kept screaming, even after Yuzuki had released her--only silently, but still the noise blocked out everything else. She was grateful when her senses began to blink out until she was left floating in nothing.

 


	4. Last Resort

Saikō drifted back to the world several hours later. Everything hurt, everything was sore. She had hoped yesterday had just been an awful dream, but no dream hurts this much.

A warm, wet tongue licked the side of her face, accompanied soon after by a high-pitched whimper.

"I'm awake," Saikō croaked--her voice was practically gone, and speaking agitated her raw throat. She tried to go back to sleep, but the steady, intense throb in her gut refused to let her. " _Fuck,_ " she hissed, snapping her eyes open. Her room was slightly lit by the morning sunrise. _It's already Saturday? Or…is it Sunday?_

Devika deposited a small piece of paper into Saikō's limp hand, then nudged it. She lifted it to her face and squinted to see the words. 

_Saikō, there's pain pills beside your bed; I suggest you take them. Remove the bandage, clean with cool water, reapply the salve by your sink, and rebandage. Repeat each morning. You can have until Tuesday off. ~Yuzuki_

Saikō snorted in derision, but it was cut off by a grunt of pain. _No snorting. Got it._ She turned her head to the left, and there was a little bottle of painkillers there--high-powered ones too. 

"Devika, help me up." Saikō lifted her arms and linked her fingers together, allowing Devika to slip her head under  and lift her into a sitting position without having to use her abdominal muscles.

It hurt like hell anyway.

Saikō squeezed her eyes shut until the agony subsided. _Pills, pills, where are you?_ she thought as she reached blindly for them, almost knocking them over before she got a good grip on the bottle. _Fuck, these are codeines. Oxycodone._ The package said take two every six to eight hours. _Let's do one…_ As soon as Saikō stood, she changed her mind. _Nope, taking two. Two all the way._ She limped into the bathroom to take care of her burn.

"Can you fucking believe she did this?" Saikō called to Devika as she worked--maybe a conversation would make it hurt less. "And she's _so_ generous, expecting me back in two days. It's not like I almost died or anything." She hadn't really been thinking about her words, but those made her pause. _Would she have killed me, really?_ She wanted to say no…but she was surprised she was still alive. _If the world shows no mercy, why did she? I may be the Avatar, but that's never mattered much to her. Maybe…what if she almost did? She did say a new Avatar could be trained in a few short years--there's no guarantee I'll ever be able to do anything but firebend anyway._

Saikō grit her teeth against the stinging in her eyes. _No. She could have just told me; I would have gladly offed myself if she felt that strongly about my failure. But now I fucking_ can't, _because then I'd look like a_ fucking _coward._ A single tear dripped from her right eye onto the cabinet. Quickly she pressed a heated finger over it, turning it to steam. She was tense and shaking again, and it was helping none with her pain.

She grabbed the pill bottle and dumped three into her hand, swallowing them down without any water. "Fuck this," she muttered, trudging back to her bed. "Devika, I'm going out tonight." She set the alarm on her cell phone for 2 AM. "Make sure I get up."

Devika snorted a little fire like, _mmhmm of course you're getting up._

"Shutup. It's not my fault the alarm sucks."

 

Yuzuki took care of Saikō personally--after all, it wasn't like she was awake to know. She carried her up to her bed and took care to be gentle as she dressed the wound. Every move was robotic; she felt so hollow. _Why…why?_

Devika watched her silently the whole time. The only things she moved were her eyes, but Yuzuki knew she was just waiting for her to make a wrong move.

Yuzuki worked quickly, anxious to be out of that room, out of Saikō's presence, as soon as possible. She didn't want to look at the broken girl--woman anymore. Couldn't. Even in unconsciousness Saikō's face was pained. _What she must be dreaming now…_ It chilled Yuzuki to think about it. _She's been through so much hell._

Yuzuki sped down to the dungeons at her first chance. She needed someone to listen to her right now, and tell her she did the right thing. _That will never be the 'right thing'. I committed a disgusting act._

Junri was guarding Kala again. When she caught sight of Yuzuki, she snapped to attention, almost losing the tea tray in her hands. "Firelord." 

Yuzuki couldn't take a conversation right now. "Let me in and give us some privacy." Politeness was beyond her at this point.

Junri opened the door and set the tea tray down on the table, then stepped into the guardroom.

Yuzuki stood rigidly just inside the cell door for several seconds, staring at the ground. She wasn't going to cry. The Firelord does not cry.

"Kiki?" Kala prompted gently. The bed squeaked slightly as she rose to her feet and stepped closer.

But she didn't have to be the Firelord here. She could just be Yuzuki, and Yuzuki was not afraid to cry…yet still the first tear that burned through all her armor, letting loose a deluge of more salty drops. _Two. Three. Six. Eight._ Her shoulders shook with silent sobs. 

Kala took another step closer, and another and another until she stood directly before Yuzuki. Yuzuki couldn't meet her eyes. _You have no idea what I've done._ Kala put her hands on her sister's shoulders, and Yuzuki crumpled. Kala lowered her slowly, knelt with her, held her as she cried.

_This is my job. I'm the older sister, I'm the Yang sister, I'm not supposed to be this weak._

Kala seemed to read her mind. "Tears don't make you weak," she said, just like she had every other time Yuzuki had cried. She rubbed her sister's back in slow circles. "The courage to let them out is proof enough of that, as is the strength it takes to hold them in."

Yuzuki nodded. She knew. She'd heard it from her grandmother Izumi first, before Kala. Hell, she'd passed the words to Kala in the first place. _So why are they so hard to believe?_

Kala hummed the lullaby their father, Iroh, used to sing to them when they were young. She didn't speak again until Yuzuki had cried herself out. "Will you please tell me what's wrong?"

"It's--Saikō."Yuzuki took many deep breaths. _Don't cry again. "_ Kala, I think I fucked up. _"_

_"_ What about Saikō? _"_ Kala's voice was as gentle as ever. It made Yuzuki want to sleep.

"Do you remember what I said last time, concerning the Agni Kai?"

She felt Kala stiffen. "You went through with it."

"You'll be seeing it in tomorrow's paper, I'm sure. But--I did it twice." Yuzuki squeezed her eyes shut, hoping it would push the memories back into her mind. "I did it twice."

"Why? Couldn't you have talk--nevermind. Stupid question."

Yuzuki sat up and turned herself to face her sister. She plead for her understanding with her eyes and her tone. "Saikō doesn't seem to understand that the world--what she might face…Avatar Korra had all four elements and the Avatar state, but she was still taken down by the--Red Lotus. Saikō has one element and rage. She won't survive on that."

"Korra defeated Amon with only air," Kala pointed out.

Yuzuki shook her head. "Don't kid yourself."

Kala sighed and bowed her head. "I understand why you did it." She didn't have to ask to know Saikō'd had her ass handed to her. "I just hope the two of you can still bear the sight of each other after this. She can hold a grudge, you know. She won't forgive this. You've hurt more than just her body."

Yuzuki sucked in a ragged breath. "Kala, I _hate_ hurting people."

Kala nodded. "I know." 

"It…hurts me so much when I do."

"I know."

"Even in boot camp, when I broke that guy's nose…I was fine but I puked anyway." Just remembering it made her feel sick to her stomach. _Spirits, Saikō…_ "I burned her abdomen. Right in the middle. Big time." She started to hyperventilate; she felt the tears fall again. "She won't be herself for months, Kala! She'll keep re-injuring herself, and she'll keep hating me, and she'll leave before she's ready and she's going to die--she's going to _die--_ "

Kala held Yuzuki's face with her hands and looked into her eyes. "Stop," she commanded. Yuzuki went silent. "Breathe with me." She began to inhale and exhale slowly. "Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale."

_In. Out. In. Out. In. Out…_  

 

* * *

**Okay, for some odd reason I can't post the whole note...it's just getting cut off a few words in, so I'm posting the note here:**

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE NOTE. IT CONTAINS BACKSTORY. I LOVE YOU ALL, UNLESS YOU'RE RACIST, SEXIST, ANTI-QUEER, ANTI-RELIGIOUS FREEDOM, OR SOME SORT OF RAPIST/MURDERER/EVIL MASTERMIND/ANTI-CAT/DOMESTIC ABUSER/DRUG DEALER/I COULD GO ON BUT I WANT YOU TO READ THE NOTE.

Geezuz fuck. I stayed up all night to write this chapter and the next--and don't even get me started on how much coffee it took >.< I enjoyed it, though. I also learned Iroh was /old/ when he had kids XD Whatever. He's a guy, who cares. I got it! Iroh, a yang, married a male ying. Therefore they could have children when…older. (He was 64 when he had Yuzuki, 70 when he had Kala. Izumi lived for-fucking-ever XD but I'm not calculating that. I spent a fucking hour last night just trying to calculate the ages of all my characters…That might sound sad but I had to make sure they all matched up and I did it for a lot of characters. After I introduce them all I'll link a pic of my little chart XP)

Should I link this story on my Tumblr? Some people I have to face in real life follow me, but I'm really proud of some of this and want to share it with my less-than-ten followers XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter: Last Resort by Papa Roach


	5. Accidentally in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this one's awful. Just a heads-up: I'm not fond of this chapter. I almost didn't post it, but some bits are necessary, and others…not so much. This gets so fluffy at the end I kind of want to puke :P I hope some of you enjoy it, regardless.

Saikō waited patiently atop the little shelter in Eclipse--the darkest district in Capitol City, at least crime-wise. The cops rarely dared enter the area, which was why it was Saikō's favorite haunt.

Although…that might be due in part to a particular healer who works in the shelter. Not that, y'know, Saikō has a _crush_ on her or anything. She's just…to easy to single out in a crowd, and that's not something you want when living, working, or passing through Eclipse.

Saikō closed her eyes and sighed. _Who am I kidding? I'm totally being a creeper._ The only days she didn't follow the healer on her walk home were Tuesdays and Thursdays--today was Saturday. _I don't even know her fucking name._ Which was both disappointing and humiliating.

 _I think I'm fucking high._ She felt all funny. She'd taken two more of those painkillers when she woke up two hours ago. The feeling scared her. _Am I in control?_

The little bell on the door of the shelter jingled, prompting Saikō to check who was exiting.  She couldn't see a face, but the head of cream-colored hair gave it away. The healer was walking quickly, and a brief gust of wind blew some of her scent into Saikō's airspace. She couldn't help but take a whiff. _Sugar and spice and everything nice…_

Saikō took off at a run to catch up, careful to be silent and _not_ fall off while jumping between buildings. She kept a steady eye all around the healer, watching for anyone who might creep up on her. The way she took to her home was about thirty minutes, generally, but at the pace she was taking tonight it would probably be twenty. 

This was a regular routine for Saikō: every night except Tuesday and Thursday she would browse around Eclipse--or sometimes other areas, if she was feeling adventurous--and kick criminal ass as needed, then hightail it over to the shelter around four in the morning, watch over the healer until she was safe behind a locked door, then get back to the palace in time to catch an hour or two more of sleep.

She rarely ran into trouble on this particular route--maybe the occasional lurker or stalker or mugger, almost always acting alone. In, problem gone, then back out of sight. But tonight felt different. The healer was walking much to fast, practically _running. What's got her spooked?_

Saikō went most of the trip with her hackles half-raised. _We're so close. Just five more minutes, come on._ She almost relaxed, but a glimmer in a side alley caught her eye. She focused on it, saw the shadow behind it and the shadows all around. She sniffed, trying to pick out their scents from the stench around her. _There's at least eight. Maybe nine? Probably triad. Mostly Yangs, maybe a Ying or two._ Saikō shook her head and scowled. It didn't matter what they were, they were fucked. 

Saikō made several, pitiful mewling sounds, knowing the sound would make the healer turn back. _She hasn't resisted a stray yet._ She didn't stick around to see if she took the bait. _If I'm fast enough, I can wipe them out before she gets to the alley._ She bounded across the rooftops and dropped down behind her targets with a soft _thud._ As predicted, not one of them noticed. _Idiots._  

She reached to her shoulder and pulled out her katana slowly, exaggerating the _shing_ of the blade being drawn. _Hmm…_ she popped the blunt metal casing out of the sheath and slid it over the blade noisily. _All shine, no sting._ One man turned at the noise, emitting a soft growl and alerting the other eight people around him.

"Mask, plus a fancy sword," one, a Ying, observed distastefully. "Who could this _possibly_ be?" he added sarcastically. His companions laughed. "It's nine-to-one, sweetums. Would you like to reconsider?"

 _They make me sick._ Literally, her stomach gurgled, and that had nothing to do the the burn. She twitched her hands and flames licked over the platinum of her sword until it was completely covered and as black as everything else Saikō had on her. She watched some of their confident expressions falter, but none of them ran. _That's fine. I'm in the mood for beating something up._ She dove into the gaggle of goons, bashing three of the slow ones in the head hard enough for them to be seeing stars into next month. _Six to one._ She could take them.

One scrawny Ying came at her low, his head down. Saikō brought her knee up at the right moment, sending him reeling back and onto his ass with a crushed nose. She whapped the ugliest Yang between the legs with her sword, and he went down fast, squealing like a pig. The other three alphas advanced slowly, wary of her now. She hummed a little tune while they did so, took the time to nudge smashed-nose onto his side so he wouldn't choke and die.

Yang #1 came at her from the left with a flaming side kick--dodged, and then several fireballs, all ducked. Yang #2 went in from the right and got up close and personal with two fire daggers, intent on slicing the straps on Saikō's mask. They were easy, much like a dirty pro bending match: bob and weave and breathe a little fire into their faces. (Neither Yang appreciated that at all.) Yang #3 stayed just out of blade reach and summoned a fire whip which he cracked in Saikō's direction. She was a little preoccupied with the other two and sliced her sword up to defend herself--but the whip wrapped around her blade and tugged suddenly, causing her to overextend her abdomen and instinctively let go. _Fuck._ She formed two fists and slammed each one into the gut of the Yangs on either side of her. They doubled over, out of breath but not out of commission. Just before she lunged at the last guy, he spoke.

"Hey little bitch, why don't you look behind me?"

 _Spirits, please no._ The man stepped out of the way. At the entrance to the alley, the Ying who'd spoken first had the healer in a choke hold with his free hand pressed over her forehead. _If he pulls in contrasting directions…_

"One more fucking move from you and I will break her neck," the Ying said.

_He's not bluffing._

"Hands in the air," he ordered.

Saikō raised her hands slowly, ready to lash out if he shifted at all. _I know I can stop him before he kills her._ She met the healer's wide eyes, tried to convey that things would be alright. _She's so scared--I can smell it from here._ "What do you want with her?"

He smirked. "She screwed up a deal for us, so we decided we'd screw something up for her…I always love getting them first, and it's so sad to see such a pretty face go to waste waiting for some romantic little shit to come along."

Ice shot through Saikō's heart, chilling her to the bone. _Bastards._ "Would you rather have a good lay or the hefty reward being offered for me?" She prayed money was worth more to them.

The Ying gave a nod, and the two Yangs next to Saikō each grabbed one of her arms and held them out to either side. She couldn't help but breathe a small sigh of relief.

The Ying shoved the healer away as hard as he could, sending her smashing into the wall. Saikō cringed--she could head the impact, knew it had to hurt. The healer got back up quickly, even if she wobbled a little and favored her left side. Saikō mouthed _run, go, get out,_ but the healer shook her head. _You fucking idiot. Why am I always surrounded by fucking idiots?_

The Ying moved to stand in front of Saikō, so close his stench--both from his pheromones (urine and stale beer-ish) and lack of a decent bath (stale beer and, most disturbingly, blood)--made her cringe. He caressed her mask with his right hand.

"Wonderful workmanship," he commented, like he was examining a car he wanted to buy.

"Can't say the same for you," Saikō replied with the same tone.

The Ying scowled at her. "You're a child."

"I know you are but what am I?"

He grit his teeth. " _I_ am a child."

Saikō nodded. "The hardest step is admitting it."

"You fucking--" He cut himself off, leaned in much closer. Saikō could see the veins in his eyes, even though it was mostly dark. "They only want you alive." He put clapped one hand onto both of her shoulders and squeezed hard. "By the time I'm done with you you'll wish they only wanted your head." He pulled down on her shoulders, bending her over as he swung his knee into her gut--into her burn. Her eyes went wide, her throat shut-- _why don't the damn pills cover this?_ The Ying forced her to straighten up, and that just made it even worse. Her abs clenched, trying to pull her into a less agonizing position, but it wasn't enough.

"Oh dear, have we found a soft spot?" the Ying taunted. "But we've only just begun." He jerked Saikō's shirt up, ripped away the bandages he found there. A feral grin spread across his face when he saw the burn. "It's my lucky day." He put his hand flat on it, despite the blood and ooze. _That's okay. If he doesn't move his hand I'm okay._ He clawed his fingers and dragged the nails across the damaged skin slowly. 

"Holy fuck--" Saikō choked out. Darkness threatened already-- _I'm so weak--_ and she didn't resist. Cries rose from the men holding her, but she was no longer there enough to tell what they meant.

 _There is something cold on me._ Saikō almost panicked, but the cold wasn't bad. _Nevermind. The cold can stay._ She sighed comfortably and let sleep take her.

 

Saikō didn't wake again until hours later. In fact, she only woke so soon because she smelled flounder-shrimp noodles and hadn't eaten in two and a half days. _I could sleep forever in a bed this soft._ She peeled her sleep-crusted eyes open, then clenched them shut at the bright light. _Shit._

A soft, glittering laugh came from very close by, followed by a female voice, "Welcome back to the world, my guardian spirit."

 _What the hell is going on? Am I dead?_ Saikō realized she didn't actually care. She felt something--glasses?--being slid onto her face.

"Those should block out the light some."

Saikō opened her eyes again--slower this time--and found that the sunglasses helped a lot. "Thanks," she muttered. _I still fucking hurt!_ "Who are you?" _I'm not at the palace._ Her hands went to her face--her mask was gone. "Where am I?" Panic boiled up from her gut--she tried to sit up so she could get her bearings, but she moved much too fast. She scrunched up her face and lowered herself slowly, but that was a bad idea too.  

"Hey, slow down," the woman said, placing one warm hand on Saikō's back and the other over her left hand. "I fixed you up some, but you're not well enough to be doing crunches yet. Relax your muscles; I've got you." Saikō did as told and let the woman lower her.

"Rest a minute, then I'll help you sit up, okay?"

Saikō nodded and opened her eyes again, only to be greeted by the healer's grinning face. Saikō pulled the glasses off quickly. "Where--where's my mask? Did they--" she cut herself off; there were too many ways to finish that question for her to pick one or ask them all.

The healer held up her mask. "It's just fine; I took it off so you could breathe completely freely. And no, they did not see your face." Her grin widened. "I kicked their sorry asses into next week."

"Good job."

The healer shrugged. "You've helped me, I figured I ought to start repaying the favor."

Saikō shook her head. "You don't need to." 

The healer laughed. "I really do. How long have you been watching over me? Like four months? I don't even know your name!"

 _Spirits, she smells like fresh rain and coffee and rose tea._ Her scent was intoxicating--Saikō had never been this close before. _Should I be honest?_ She pushed the thought away almost instantly. _If she knew who I really am she'd know I'm too fucked up to hang around._ "It's Max."

The healer looked skeptical. "I'm Kanta, and I know that's not your real name."

"It is, in an odd sort of way." Conversing with the healer--Kanta while lying down was beginning to get awkward. "Can you, umm…" Saikō motioned vaguely, but Kanta seemed to understand.

"This is going to hurt, okay? But not as much as doing it on your own." She leaned down _very_ close-- _she's inches away from my face she's inches away from my face she's inches away--_ and slid a hand under Saikō's lower back. _I'm not wearing a fucking shirt._ "Put your arms around my neck."

Saikō did so loosely, earning herself a stern look from Kanta. "Quit being a wimp. I don't bite." Saikō tightened her arms.

"Good. Keep your abdomen relaxed as much as you can, okay? On three." Kanta counted from one and on three leaned back, puling Saikō up with her. Saikō winced, but it wasn't as bad as she'd anticipated. Kanta kept her propped up until she'd piled enough stuff behind Saikō's back for her to lean back on. "You're good."

Saikō nodded. "Thanks."

"Not a problem. But…" Kanta smirked, "you can let go of me now."

Saikō retracted her arms and tried to ignore the rising heat in her face. "Sorry."

"Don't be; it's better than getting groped daily at the shelter."

Saikō gaped in horror.

Kanta laughed again. "Spirits, Max, I'm only kidding." She reached over to the side table for the bowl of noodles. "You think you can keep this down?"

"Definitely." Saikō gobbled the noodles as soon as they were handed to her. "These are _wunnerful,"_ she said through a mouthful of noodles.

Kanta shrugged. "They're just instant noodles; nothing special." She gazed thoughtfully at Saikō as she wolfed down the noodles. Saikō felt a little self-conscious from being scrutinized so, but her stomach refused to let her cease her uncivilized feasting.

Kanta took the empty bowl from Saikō once she'd finished, setting it on the dresser before scooching closer. "Lie back; I want to work on you a bit more before you leave," she instructed.

Saikō shook her head. "Thank you, but you've already done more than enough. I don't want to burden you any more."

Kanta glared at her. "Back. Now," she ordered. 

Saikō cowered slightly at her tone and glare and laid back quickly. She had never been much for the waterbending style of healing--it was much too easy and she preferred letting her body heal itself--but she didn't really mind it now. Not that Kanta affected that any--Saikō was just too tired to protest more, is all. 

Saikō watched in silence--and partially awe--as Kanta bent a small globe of water from a nearby container. Not a drop spilled as she moved it to Saikō's abdomen. The water felt cool on her burn, but as it started to glow the pain all but disappeared. " _Whoa,_ " Saikō muttered.

Kanta smirked an continued her movements. "Never been healed before?"

"Nope."

"Well, I'm glad to be your first. I'm certainly not the best, but I like to think I'm damn good anyway."

"I'm sure that's not all you're damn good at." Saikō clamped her mouth shut a second too late to hold back the words. She felt her face get hot. "I--I mean, as things go--you seem like you're very talented at many hands-on things--no, I mean you're probably good at a lot of different things that involve hand-eye coordination--because some people just can't coordinate the two, you know? One moves without the other knowing it--um…just…never…mind…" Saikō shut up finally and looked anywhere but Kanta's face. 

Kanta just laughed. "Spirits, you're a mess, aren't you? Just calm down; I know what you meant."

"Well--some people these days get offended so easily, you know?"

Kanta nodded. "Yeah." They fell into silence again after that for a minute or two--it wasn't quite awkward, but not quite comfortable either--before Kanta spoke again. "So, did you see the Agni Kai the other day?"

Saikō stiffened. "Yes. Did you?" 

"Nah, I had to cover someone's shift. I heard it was awful."

Saikō relaxed again. "It was terrible, from both the Avatar and the Firelord."

"Were you actually _there?_ "

"Yeah," Saikō said bitterly. "I had a front-row seat."

Kanta flung the water easily into her sink, shooting Saikō a funny look. "That bad, huh?"

Saikō just nodded.

Kanta clapped her hands together once and smiled brightly at Saikō. "Well, Max, you're good to go. I can't do much more for either of your burns; this big one on your stomach is definitely going to scar. Try and take it easy for a few days before you go getting into brawls, yeah?"

Saikō's lips curled up. _Her smile…it's infectious._ "Scout's honor."

Kanta helped her up and get her shirt back on, then lead her to the door and pressed her mask and sword into her hands. She stood close--very close. Saikō could see the speckles of a darker blue in Kanta's cerulean eyes.

"Max," she muttered absentmindedly, like her thoughts were miles away, "if you want to walk me home…just wait by the door, yeah?"

Saikō didn't trust her vocal cords, so she left her answer at a nod. 

Kanta gave her a small smile and stepped back. "See you around, Max."

Saikō raised a hand in farewell before the door closed.

 

Yuzuki watched Saikō return to the palace. It was very late in the day--almost dusk--and she hadn't let anyone know she was going out. In fact she shouldn't have been well enough to go out at all.

Yuzuki made note of the sword across Saikō's back and the mask she was carrying. _She lied to me._ But it was more than that--she'd broken a sacred oath. Somehow, though, Yuzuki couldn't find it in herself to be more than perturbed. Perhaps it was due to the fact that Saikō had a happy spring in her step, and she was twirling her made around a finger, and she was smiling like an idiot--all of which left Yuzuki very, very confused.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THE WHOLE NOTE. IT DOES CONTAIN SOME ESSENTIAL INFORMATION AND HINTS ABOUT WHAT'S TO COME. In this AU, there are a few little changes from canon:
> 
> 1\. Kyalin: In Season 3 when they find all the airbenders + Kya, instead of carrying Bumi Lin carries Kya. (I think the writers made Lin carry Bumi just to torture us Kyain trash. ) Kya was also at Varrick and Zhi Li's wedding. She and Lin totally danced…Kyalin does come into play in this story a little later…I still have a char or two to introduce first, though.
> 
> 2\. Wuko (Prince Wu and Mako). Need I say more?
> 
> 3\. I honestly cannot deal with my little gaybie Yang/Ying chicks having to deal with the D when they want to get it on. So the D is at-will for female yangs and yings, unless it's the initial…um…hanky-panky induced by their yin's heat hormones (AKA round one during heat)
> 
> 4\. Sex grosses me out XD I'm so sorry. That has nothing to do with the AU, but…*blackwolf369 still has trouble saying dick out loud* hmm what I didn't say that where did that come from I wonder hmm
> 
> I think that's it for now. Just fyi, I know i'm really bad at character descriptions, so i would love it if you guys would leave a comment/message me on tumblr (@maxgreydawolf) with what you think my characters look like. I'll correct as-needed, and I will probably do a note about appearances later on.
> 
> Also, I really despise writing fight scenes. do they suck? are they bearable? am I being hypercritical? #Crisis-DearReadersHelpMePlease
> 
> *hinthint* I'm thinking of a love triangle of sorts…only temporary, and probably not who you're expecting :P It might end up as a love dodeca-fucking-hedron at this point XD I don't know. *dear bestie if you're reading this I know you hate love triangles please don't hate me I promise it's bearable. Not that I actually have it planned out much.*
> 
> Also, everyone in this AU is. Fucking. Queer. (not literally, but it sure seems that way sometimes XD)
> 
> Kudos to anyone who catches the Power Puff Girls reference :P (Buttercup is my favorite)


	6. I Want Your Bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones may or may not get jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick word on heats: imagine your period (ladies), except hornier, crampier, and less bloody. Actually, the song for this chapter is pretty accurate XD  
> Also, for those that don't quite understand the omegaverse (aka my omegaverse) Yins have heats, which are kind of like periods in the above ways and that they come once a month, but instead of it being a barren time it's…the opposite. Yings don't have heats, but they do have monthly hormone fluctuations that, while noticeable, are no big deal. Yangs work much like Yings, except the fluctuations are a little more severe. If anyone thinks I should make a post about this on tumblr just drop me a comment or an FYI in my ask box (@blackwolf369) and I will. I don't want a ton of long notes and stuff.
> 
> Also everyone has a unique scent. If someone is smelly because of sweat or grime, it will be specified.
> 
> Enjoy!

A little over two weeks later, Saikō did not show up at the shelter to walk Kanta home as she had so dedicatedly in the past. Instead she was doubled over on her knees beside the palace's south gate, one fist pressed harshly into her gut and the other dug desperately into the dirt, as if one of those could somehow make the pain go away. A high-pitched whine came steadily from her throat; tears leaked from her eyes. _It's early,_ she thought fuzzily. _Why is it fucking early?_ She heard Devika's warning howl from the other side of the palace and cursed silently. The howl would alert guards or staff or worse: Yuzuki. _I can't deal with her now._

Saikō maneuvered her feet under her body and managed to make it into a half-standing position before another cramp knocked her back down.

"Saikō!" Yuzuki yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"

Saikō grunted angrily. She wouldn't be able to get out before Yuzuki reached her.

" _Spirits,_ it's early," Yuzuki muttered. She brought her left hand, lit with fire, a little closer. Saikō shied away from the light--it was much too bright. Yuzuki cursed and slipped her shirt up to cover her nose. She turned around and swiped her hand in an arc--more fire, more light. "Stay back!" she ordered the guards who'd followed her. "Go back inside." They obeyed instantly. She turned back to Saikō and grasped her shoulders. "Did this just start now?"

Saikō nodded jerkily.

Yuzuki hissed, then murmured to herself, "This one's going to be bad."

 _It already is._ Saikō's pseudo-heats were always painful, but rarely were they this sudden or incapacitating. She was a medical anomaly--Yangs simply did not have heats.

"Come on, let's get you inside." Yuzuki put her hands under Saikō's arms and lifted her to her feet. Saikō wobbled, but stayed standing. The pain had lessened to a more manageable degree. "I'll get you some of that special tea and get the doctor in the morning--"

" _No,_ " Saikō growled. "I don't want the doctor, and I don't want any of that shitty tea." She pushed Yuzuki's hands away. "I'm fine; that was just a fluke."

Yuzuki frowned at her. "I still think you should go back to bed."

Saikō grit her teeth. _She thinks after what she's done to me she just be all nice and caring--it doesn't work that way. She's not allowed to be like that anymore._ "I'll be back later." She slipped out of the gate before Yuzuki could do any more to stop her. 

Saikō just walked. She wasn't sure where she was going until it was too late to go  anywhere else--she couldn't go to a heat shelter because a) she was a yang and b) they'd managed to keep her condition quiet. But she wasn't sure she would be able to keep her mind about her around Kanta right now, either. _She's a healer,_ Saikō reminded herself. _Maybe she can do something for me._ Healers of all sorts had tried everything they knew on Saikō many times before, and none of it worked. Some methods even made her feel worse. Kanta, though…precedents and rules simply didn't seem to apply. 

Saikō banged on Kanta's door desperately. There was no one in the hallway yet, but they'd be able to smell her soon and it'd bring them out. _Come on, come on, come on…_ Saikō banged the door again. She couldn't hear anyone moving inside, no 'I'm coming!' or 'don't knock the door down'. 

Another cramp almost put her on the floor, but she grabbed the doorknob to keep herself up--thankfully the worst of it passed quickly, but she couldn't push past the remaining knots in her gut. 

She let her head fall heavily against the door. "Kanta, _please_ ," she begged weakly, "I _need_ you to let me _in._ "

Still no answer. Saikō slumped against the door. _People who say one can never be alone are idiots._ She could feel the hollow creeping into her chest again, emptying everything--

The door finally opened. "Waaa!" Saikō cried as she fell over the threshold. She landed stretched out painfully on her stomach, groaned, and curled into a ball. "Thanks," she muttered.

"Um…Max?" Kanta knelt beside her. "You okay?" She felt Saikō's forehead with the back of her hand, then smacked Saikō's cheek lightly. "Hey, you're burning up. Can you stand? I have some tea that can help," she said, her voice unusually strained.

Saikō could have laid there listening to Kanta's voice all day, and had she been feeling a little better she probably would have. She removed Kanta's hand from her cheek with one of her own and didn't let go. She used her free hand to push herself up, opened her eyes only to see spots from sitting up faster than her body wanted. The kaleidoscope of colors and lightheadedness made her nauseous.

When her vision cleared, she found herself looking right into Kanta's eyes. They seemed _different_ today. Her pupils were dilated and some sort of want lurked in her gaze. Kanta quickly looked away and withdrew her hand like Saikō had burned it.

"Why--why are you here?" Kanta asked, confused. "Your scent is overpowering, you're feverish, you should be at home resting."

 _Is it me I'm smelling, then? Because there's--hell, I don't smell that good anyway._ Saikō assumed her nose was just more sensitive, and that's why Kanta's scent was so strong. _Spirits._ "I can't be home now. I can't…I can't deal with my family right now, not while I'm like this. I just couldn't think of anyone else--"

"What do you mean by _this?_ "

Saikō grit her teeth; her cramps were building slower this time, which meant they'd last longer. "It's like a heat, except it's not 'cause I'm a yang."

Several things crossed Kanta's face then: realization, confusion, concern, lust.

_Wait, what?_

"Ah. That explains a lot." Kanta stood and took a few panicked steps back. "You can stay, but we can't be in the same room."

"What? No!" Saikō protested, dragging herself up. _I need to--I can't be alone._ "Why?"

Kanta shook her head. "Can't you tell? I'm in the same boat as you, basically."

Saikō had to think about Kanta's words for a few seconds before she got the meaning. _Fucking hell._ "I should go." _I don't think I can control myself, even if we're rooms apart. Now I'm okay, but in a few hours…_ "I have to go." Saikō turned to the door.

"No, don't. We'll be fine as long as we minimize face-to-face interaction. Okay? You can stay in my bedroom; I'm already set up in the kitchen anyway."

Saikō was no longer in any mood to protest. "Yeah."

"Good. I'll make you that tea, and we can still chat, if you want." Kanta paused, then added, "But you should get some rest."

"Okay." Rest _wasn't_ going to happen, but at least she'd finally have someone to talk to.

Kanta made her way to the kitchen, and once she was safely there she directed Saikō to her bedroom. The room itself was painted a gentle grey, and there was no clutter _at all--_ Saikō guessed it was all in the cabinets lining the far wall.

The bed in the center was small, but Saikō couldn't have cared less. She tossed her jacket and boots onto the floor and practically threw herself onto the mattress. It was soft and warm and she sank into it willingly. She curled into the fetal position to take some of the tension from her abdomen.

Not that it actually helped, but the position was comfortable anyway.

Saikō was able to doze off some, but soon her fever was too high and her cramps too tight to allow her to sleep. So she sweated too much and whimpered too often and got all tight in uncomfortable places from being surrounded by Kanta's scent. She knew it hadn't even been an hour yet but it felt like it had been days already. And she just knew this wasn't even the worst of it.

 

Kanta winced in sympathy every time she heard Saikō whimper. She couldn't imagine what it was like for her, being a _yang_ and having to deal with a monthly cycle. She had some herbs and teas around that helped yins cope with their heats, but they probably wouldn't work with a yang's set of hormones and they weren't even working for Kanta right now.

 _It's because her heat-thingy is so intense. That combined with mine…_ Kanta had been nothing but concerned when Saikō had fallen into her apartment, but after the initial shock and worry wore off…she had been more than ready to jump Saikō's bones. That awful, nagging voice in her head berated her for exercising restraint; after all, yangs like Saikō only come around once.

 _Think of the beautiful children you could have._ Kanta shook her head at herself. _I'm nineteen; no kids yet._ For once in her life she wished she had some suppressants around. Most are toxic as fuck but they work, and they would help Kanta care for Saikō with a clearer head.

 _The tea!_ Her kettle was whistling in the background. She hastily moved it off the burner and searched her cabinets for her fever-reducing tea. "Aha!" She grabbed the box and practically tore it open, only to find it empty. "Damn." She thought through the other options. What did they do at the shelter sometimes for heat fevers? Most of the non-herbal solutions involved close physical proximity for extended periods of time, and that wasn't something Kanta wanted to risk.

 _Placebo._ She grabbed her most distasteful tea--whose actual purpose was relieving constipation--and put a sachet into a mug, along with some hot water. _Best to skip the honey, I think._ She swirled the sachet around some, then grabbed the mug and strode to her bedroom. _In, out, no issues. Just give her the tea and leave._

She knocked twice on the door, then pushed inside. Saikō lay curled tightly into a ball, shivering, on Kanta's bed. A wall of her scent hit Kanta when she entered the room. _Spirits._ "I…have the tea."

Saikō wiped her face-- _is she crying?_ \--and sort-of sat up. She remained hunched over and stiff. Kanta moved forward and pressed the tea into Saikō's outstretched hand. "Thank you," she murmured before taking a sip.

And then spitting it right back out. "That's _fucking_ disgusting," she snapped. "Is this even ingestible!?"

A laugh bubbled out of Kanta's mouth. "I promise it is." 

Saikō looked up at her skeptically. "Fine," she relented, then downed the tea in three large gulps. "If I die, it is _so_ on you." Kanta found Saikō's _I'm-gonna-puke_ face absolutely adorable. _She looks like a puppy._

Kanta backed up quickly. "I should go. Just--let me know if you need anything."

"Wait!" Saikō stood quickly, her eyes wide and chest suddenly heaving. "Please stay."

"Why?" The word was out before Kanta realized she already knew the answer. _She's afraid of where her condition is taking her._  

Saikō turned her face away, her cheeks reddening. She looked…smaller than she had just before. "I'm sorry. Nevermind."

"No! No, it's fine, I--" Kanta surged forward and cupped Saikō's face. "Don't look so sad, Max. I can stay. I can." Now she was close enough to see Saikō's eyes. They were red and puffy, and faint tear tracks riddled her face. The sight sent ice through Kanta's heart.

"What if something happens?" Saikō whispered.

"Then it happens," Kanta replied. _It's happening._ They were friends. They were friends. They were friends. _Don't fuck it up, Kanta. Come on. Come on._ But her body ignored her mind. She leaned forward just a few inches and kissed Saikō, crashing in a little harder than intended. She may have cut her lip on her own teeth, but at this point she was a little too far gone to care.

Saikō didn't hesitate to kiss back, nor did she resist when Kanta shoved her back onto the bed. She had already been on the cliff, and now she was in free fall.

The teacup lay shattered and forgotten on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I find having a character say "I'm in heat" very awkward. What do you guys think? 
> 
> I want to thank everyone that's stuck with me--I never thought this would get as many views or kudos as it has. /Thank you/ all, so much. I would like to reiterate that this story is raw and completely unedited--I don't even read through it before I post it. If there are any plot holes or other mistakes, please let me know. I plan to use any and all feedback I get when I actually edit this.
> 
> Sorry this took forever! 
> 
> This may or may not qualify as a filler chapter…opinions/critiques please :D
> 
> Song for this chapter: I Want Your Bite by Chris Crocker.


	7. Iodine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long! My computer crashed, and I haven't had much time on this borrowed one. I'll have my backup laptop back sometime in early August, so I should be getting more regular with my chapters then...or I might take a break until November; I really need to keep my grades high for midterms so I can get my driver's license. We'll see.
> 
> The next chapter should be up before the first of August.

_Green eyes. A shiny cell. Confusion, pain--joy?_

“Agh!” Saikō sat up too quick, and squeezed her eyes shut while she waited for the nausea to pass. _What the fuck_ was _that?_ She didn’t dream--or at least she never remembered them.

“Go back to sleeeep,” Kanta murmured.

Saikō had to do a mental double take: when she’d awoken she’d been sure she was alone, but obviously...she was not. _Right, because we spent last night--okay, let’s not. Just no._ Kanta’s bedroom seemed to be getting smaller and smaller, prompting Saikō to slip back into her clothes and out onto the street without another thought.

She took a deep breath of city stench. It went perfectly with how sick and dirty she felt.

She mounted her motorcycle and beelined for the palace. Hopefully her aunt would be in a meeting or something...maybe she could sneak in without confrontation.

She met no one coming in from the garage, or whilst taking the servants’ passageways to the residential wing, but Yuzuki was waiting at the exit, her arms crossed like she was pissed but her eyebrows scrunched and curved like she was worried.

 _God, woman, just convey one emotion at a time, please._ Saiko pushed past her quickly, giving her a wide berth, hyper-aware of the mixed scents she was probably giving off.

_I just want my own bed...and maybe a boiling bath while I’m at it._

 

Kanta woke up only a few minutes after Saiko left, but only because she felt like something was off. As tired as she was she probably could have slept until noon.

 _Please don’t have…_  “Max?” she called. “Max, are you here?” No answer.

Kanta laughed bitterly. _Of course she’s not here. She’s not the type to stick around, the coward._ She shook her head at her own thoughts. _No. She’s just scared._

Slowly she rolled out of bed. _Some_ of her muscles were sore...and she had a nasty-looking bite bruise developing on her left shoulder. She smiled to herself, then blushed. _You can reminisce later, Kanta._

She put on fresh clothes before collecting her dirty ones from around the room. A black leather jacket had ended up out in the hallway, and she did a little jig--that jacket was the perfect excuse to go visit Saiko. Did it matter Saiko didn’t know Kanta knew who she was? Well...yes. But not that much.

 

Yuzuki grabbed Saiko’s shoulder before she could walk out of reach. “Where did you go last night?” She sniffed. “And why do you smell like sex?”

Saiko, in her usual fashion, jerked away. “It doesn’t matter.”

“ _Yes,_ it does. You were sick last night--much worse than ever, I might add--and now you’re back, seemingly fine, and you smell. Like. _Sex._ ”

“So _what?_ ” Saiko hissed. “There aren’t going to be any side effects.”

Yuzuki stood up straighter and glared at Saiko. “This isn’t like you.”

Saiko snorted out a little stream of fire. “Don’t fucking try to tell me who I am.”

 _What is she not understanding? I have a nation to run! I can’t have her running around...screwing everything up._ “What you do affect my reputation; I don’t need you causing any more trouble, especially not now. I already have the world leaders riding me for aid--”

Saiko turned around and walked off, holding her extended middle finger high in the air. Her message couldn’t be clearer. _She doesn’t care._

Yuzuki sighed. _Why can’t she just cooperate for once? Right now...they want to call her to action. The reports...I can’t protect her much longer. Why doesn’t she understand that? If she ends up in the spotlight I’m done. I should have cut her loose when I found out she was using…_

“Milady,” Iasso said softly. He was hovering around the main staircase. “There’s a young woman here asking to see Saiko...” A smirk played around the edges of his lips. “She has Saiko’s jacket.”

Yuzuki’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh really? Where is she?”

“At the gate.”

Yuzuki adjusted her royally-embellished Royal Air Force uniform. _No wrinkles? Good._ “Send her in.”

 

Yuzuki plastered a calm smile on her face and waited for the girl--apparently her name was Kanta--to notice her. Kanta was too busy _ooo_ ing and _ah_ ing at the grandeur of the palace.

 _She certainly has quite the...eccentric appearance._ Classic water tribe dark skin and blue, blue eyes, but her hair was blonde and so were her eyebrows...it looked almost natural. _I suppose she is beautiful...I never expected Saiko to be into more masculine women, though._ And the fauxhawk was quite unique.

Kanta’s eyes finally fell on Yuzuki, and she dropped into a deep bow with a small squeak. “My apologies, Firelord.”

Yuzuki waved the apology away. “It’s fine; I know this can be overwhelming to someone who’s never seen it before.” Kanta was still bowing. Yuzuki let out a small, genuine chuckle. “You may rise now.”

“Thank you.” Kanta straightened up and motioned to the black jacket over her right arm. “Saiko...left this with me.” She blushed slightly, then tried to hide it with a sneeze. Presumably. The sneeze was quite fake, regardless.

Yuzuki nodded, still smiling, and motioned the girl toward her. “I can take you to her room--she just got back. She’s in an awfully rotten mood, though, and I can’t imagine why.”

Kanta moved forward quickly and kept half a step behind Yuzuki. “She...had a rough night. She was in a lot of pain.”

“Hm, yes. That does happen occasionally.”

“Like...every month occasionally, or…?”

Yuzuki nodded slowly. _I wonder if they talked...or if she’s inferring…_ “Yes.”

“Ah.”

They fell into an awkward silence as they ascended the stairs up to the third floor.

“So tell me, Kanta, what do you do? Where do you live? I assume you and Saiko are friends, but she hasn’t mentioned you at all.”

Kanta looked just the _smallest_ bit hurt. “I’m a healer at a little shelter in Eclipse, and I live not to far from my work. Saiko’s been kind enough to walk me home for a while--the streets aren’t all that safe, you know?”

“Yes, I know. I’m sorry the police force is so absent in your area; for some reason they fail to fulfil their duty there.” Yuzuki shrugged. “But at least Masked Max frequents it.”

Kanta’s face was unreadable. “Masked Max is a blessing, Firelord. She might work outside the law, but sometimes that’s necessary. I wish the warrant for her would be lifted...but I understand why it exists.”

Yuzuki considered asking why Saiko had been with Kanta all night--Kanta did smell awfully like Saiko, just like Saiko smelled awfully like Kanta--but she already knew what had transpired. Besides, this Kanta seemed like a nice enough young woman.

“Here we are.” Yuzuki pointed down the hall. “First door you come to--just...knock first.”

Kanta bowed slightly. “Thank you.”

 

Saiko didn’t bother to stop snuggling Devika when she heard the knock on her door. She first assumed it was Yuzuki, and almost told her to fuck off, but the scent that reached her nose was much more...pleasing. _What the hell?_ She dried her eyes quickly and rolled into a sitting position on her bed, facing the door.

“It’s open,” she said, her voice fairly neutral.

Kanta peeked her head into the room, then the rest of her body followed. “Hey. You, um, left your jacket.”

Saiko frowned. _Crap._ “Thank you,” she said, her tone more curt than originally intended--but she didn’t apologize. Curtness suited this situation pretty well.

Kanta’s lips quirked to the side. “I’ll just...put it over here...” She folded the jacket neatly on the dresser near the door.

“Was that all? I’ve got a busy day today.”

Kanta raised her eyebrows, giving a very contented looking Devika a very skeptical look. “It’s so obvious.”

Saiko shot angrily to her feet. “What does it matter? You shouldn’t be here! You weren’t supposed to know what I am.”

“ _That’s_ what’s got you all crabby?” Kanta put her hands on her hips. “It was more than obvious.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, then?! Instead of--of showing up here after...like I should just accept this like I expected it?”

“I didn’t think it would be a big deal--”

“ _Not a big deal?!_ ” Saiko kicked her bedside table once, then put her foot through it. “I’m a fucking _monster!_ If you’ve known, how did you not _see_ that? All I wanted was a friend who liked me for me...” Her eyes stung. Friends weren’t her thing to begin with; couldn’t she have just one person separate from all this? “So just get out. We don’t need to associate anymore.”

Kanta stepped back like Saiko’s words were a punch. “So because I know who you are we can’t _associate?_ Are you serious?” she demanded angrily. “I can’t--and after--”

“No. Don’t think that meant anything--last night was just blowing off steam, you know that.”

Kanta shook her head. “You know what--” She shook her head again. “I’ll be waiting once you get your shit together.” And then she just...walked out. Calmly.

Saiko fell back onto her bed. Did she regret pushing Kanta away? Yes. But she...would have left eventually anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is Iodine by Icon for Hire.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @maxgreydawolf! Any and all feedback is welcome :D


	8. Second Chance Pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know this is over a month overdue...and I really am sorry. Life got in the way and shit. (Refer to bottom for an extended explanation.)
> 
> So anyway PLOT! finally, right?  
> Also I’m trying out a new format...I’ve played with it a little before, and because I’ve been a little out-of-touch with dear Saikō for a few weeks I’m going to do her POV in first person and everyone else’s in third...it may or may not work out XD Let me know what you think! (please with ice cream and puppies)
> 
> And quick lingo Saikō uses: six, when not obviously the number, means someone’s back, or “on your six” behind you, “got your six” got your back, etc
> 
> The song is Second Chance by Shinedown. Its relevance is a little more obvious in part 2

Yuzuki paced impatiently in front of her sister’s cell. She needed to consult Kala on--what else?--Saikō.

 The door to the cell block opened, and in came Kala, fresh from her shower, escorted by Junri.

 “Kiki!” Kala broke out of Junri’s loose grip to give her sister a hug.

 Junri bowed. “Good afternoon, Firelord.”

 “I can take it from here, Junri,” Yuzuki said, her voice more curt than intended. _I can apologize later._

 Kala raised an eyebrow. “Is everything--”

 “I think Saikō has a lover,” Yuzuki burst out, her words rushed and breathy.

 Kala smirked. “Good for her, then. It’s about time she has a friend.”

 Yuzuki shook her head. “I don’t care if she has a friend; I care that they _fucked_ last night. In heat.” She grit her teeth. “That is _not good._ I don’t need little mini-Saikōs running around, especially now. I’ve got enough on my plate without a scandal.”

Kala  _hmm_ ed. “Saikō is intelligent; I’m sure it’s nothing.” She manoeuvred her sister over to a chair, then sat on the one opposite her. “She is not an issue. She’s stressing you out because you have too much on your plate--what’s the  _real_ problem here?”

“It’s confidential.”

Kala grinned and spread her arms. “I’m in prison! Plus I’m your sister, so we have an automatic confidentiality agreement.”

Yuziki covered her mouth with her hands for a moment, considering, then placed them carefully in her lap. “There’s this group calling themselves  _Originists._ They’re...gender terrorists.”

 

Kanta stared at the files in her hands, not even really seeing them. Her shift for the night was almost over, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Saikō would be watching over her on her way home. After their falling out...she couldn’t be sure. She hadn’t thought knowing Saikō was the Avatar was a big deal at all--and she  _really_ couldn’t believe Saikō thought it odd. Kanta watched probending sometimes, and Saikō’s team was popular--during the season her face was all over the place. (There were rumors her team was a shoo-in for the world championship next year.)

But damnit if Saikō didn’t blow everything out of proportion.

Kanta felt her eyes stink with tears.  _She’s not a monster._

“Kanta!”

Her head shot up, eyes searching for the source of the yell.

“Over here,” her boss said, waving his armsa round and glaring at her. “Your shift isn’t over yet. File those and get back to work.”

She nodded once and headed toward the filing cabinets. What cases were these again?  _Mine._ Four cases, each coming in shortly after the other, each with the same symptoms, each with no apparent connection.

Each dead.

_Name unknown. Female. Yang. Age unknown. Cause of Death: paralysis of all bodily functions by unknown toxin._ Kanta filed her in the Nameless cabinet.

_Name unknown. Female. Ying. Age unknown._

_Name unknown. Male. Yin. Age unknown._

_Name unknown. Male. Ying. Age unknown._ All dead from complete paralysis. They had all managed to stagger in, and within the hour the paralysis had spread to their heart, their lungs, and they were gone.

And they weren’t the only ones. There had been several cases of death-by-paralysis in recent weeks. In the beginning bodies, stiff but not from rigor mortis, were brought in for examination. Soon after people came in with stiffness in their extremities, only to reappear later, dead and stiff. Sometimes it would take hours, or days, for the toxin to work its magic. Sometimes people came in upright only to be dead seconds later.

Kanta was the only one who say the link. She took it to the police, but they ignored her. Everyone ignored her. She was just a stupid little girl--except Saikō. She was something to Saikō.

_I could go to the top. Saikō wouldn’t ignore me--this._ Top medical researchers could be brought in! People could be saved! She could be a...a hero.

A bell rang, signaling the end and beginning of a shift.  _But maybe in the morning._

 

I was honestly too tired to be squatting on the roof of the shelter that night. I’d spent most of the day crying and hitting things--and I was certainly justified! Kanta just didn’t understand how it feels to be born into expectations as high as I have. Not only am I the Avatar, but I’m also the only living heir to the Fire Nation.

I huffed and shook my head. Whatever. I heard the shift bell ring andslipped my mask on--immediately I felt better. More powerful. More...me. I may never do anything noteworthy, but Masked Max will be known for centuries.

I stood when the front door opened, watching for Kanta’s trademark  _hair. Ugh, her hair...I’m such a fucking puppy. I follow her around like I’m_ desperate _._ Not that I moved to leave or anything. I had acknowledged my patheticness, and for now that was sufficient.

I started to move on so I could keep close on Kanta’s six, but then I heard the shelter’s side door open. My heart sank--they only use that door for body disposal. Sure enough, seconds later came the sick  _thump_ of bodies being piled into a stack, probably onto a truck to go to the crematorium.  _May they rest in peace. Unless they were assholes, in which case they can rot in hell._

A can crunched on the rooftop across from me. Casually I glanced over, expecting to see some punks getting high, drunk, or both. Instead I saw a small figure, dressed in dark like me. They appeared to be watching the truck with night vision goggles...but why would some dea--fuck. They were looking for someone specific, either to make sure they were dead or to get the body back.

I hit the deck quickly and, laying on my stomach, peeked over the little roof-wall-thing to watch the truck-watcher. The truck’s engine revved, and soon after it pulled out into the street and turned right toward the crematorium. The watcher stood up straight, but instead of following the truck they sped off in the direction of the city proper.

I shot to my feet, primed to give chase, but hesitated. I looked back into Eclipse and  _just_ caught sight of Kanta before she turned a corner. I wasn’t supposed to be doing the vigilante thing--I came out for her, and after I was sure she was safe I’d planned to go straight home.

I clenched my jaw.  _Decide, damnit!_ Much longer and I’d lose the watcher. Kanta could take care of herself, I knew. This chase was a one-time thing. Kanta would be fine. The watcher was much shadier.

Even as I thought all that I was racing after the watcher. I poured on the speed--and had to scramble for purchase on some of the sloped roofs--until I was just behind my target. I didn’t want them to see me.

I’m trained to be able to jump and run like I do--partially military, partially a freerunning hobby--and I could tell, now that I was closer, that the watcher, while extremely successful at roof-leaping, was not doing it naturally. They got a boost on every takeoff and a cushion on every landing. It wasn’t firebending, and even though these buildings aren’t made of synthetics it wasn’t earthbending--so it was airbending.  _Air_ bending, of all things.

I’ve never met an airbender outside of the Nomads. _This might be interesting._ My curiosity was piqued--I was no longer concerned with concealment.

I gave myself a bit of a firebending boost to get to the rooftop across the street. “Hey!” I shouted at them. They glanced over their shoulder and...slowed down? I was almost shoulder-to-shoulder with them--yin, most likely male, smelled like overspiced tea--when they blasted me with air. The gust almost threw me off the building, but I managed to grab on to the fire ladder and scramble back up.

Yeah, I really should have seen that coming. Speaking of coming...where the fuck was this guy going? He was on a straight course for either the heart of the city or the warehouses and docks beyond. There’s just no way this creep was headed for the heart. It’s the most heavily patrolled part of the Fire Nation! Besides the palace itself, of course. Nothing gets by the cops there.

I skidded to a stop and tracked the guy with my eyes, trying to gague where he was headed. I might just report this one to the cops--I have better things to do.

Not really, but I do try to let them get some of the criminals. You have to throw them a bone every now and then to keep them from looking too much into you. But honestly it  _is_ rather obvious--it’s rare for a firebender to have a fire color that’s not...normal.  _They’re so stupid._

Creeper dude was way ahead of me--I got moving quick.  _Stop going on mental tangents,_ I chided myself.

The palace loomed in front of me. It wasn’t far off at all, and we were headed straight for it.

Shit. Flutterbees exploded in my gut, and the surge of adrenaline racing through my system gave me the extra burst of speed that allowed me to close in on creeper dude.

But he was gone. I looked all around, sniffed and caught traces, but nothing definite, not here. I looked to the palace wall for signs of climbing or jumping or--broken branches. Right there, on the ugly tree just next to the wall.  _He’s inside._

I launched myself over the wall, landed in a roll and popped to my feet. There were no guards around. Not surprising; they stick to their towers mostly. I slipped inside the palace proper where scents were stronger. My guess was there were four people he could be here for: me, Yuzuki, the guard captain (unlikely. she’s hardcore  **_honor_ ** and not a big target for anything), and Iasso. I wouldn’t think it odd if Iasso was an inside man--he’s such a snotty little asshole.

I took a deep breath through my nose: several guards, but their scents weren’t fresh enough; various aides and counselors, also old; residents’ scents; and one mixed-up overspiced and also rather moldy tea. The smell confused me--it wasn’t a trail at all, but an intentional swirl.

_Priorities!_ Firelord first. I could just pop over to her rooms and make sure all was in order, everything would be fine, and then I could go kick Iasso’s ass. Yes. But something nagged at me still.

Up the stairs, left left right haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy left door. I purposely breathed through my mouth. I didn’t want to be wrong.

I placed my hand on the doorknob and turned--it opened. Red flag.  _Maybe she forgot to lock it._ Sure, the one time in her life she forgets something like that. I slipped inside quietly--something was off.  _Nothing is off. Nothing. No._ I reached up and rested my hand on my sword.  _Draw. Draw. Draw._

The antechamber was clear. I peeked into her study--also clear. I was faced with the bedroom door. My heart was racing, but  _nothing is off. You’re just paranoid._ I listened: nothing. I turned the knob: the door opened. The hinges creaked slightly, and I winced at the noise.

I looked around the room. I accidentally breathed through my nose.  _He’s here._ And so was Yuzuki.

Yuzuki knelt just to the side of her bed, glaring pleadingly at me. Creeper had her in an arm lock with one hand and the other held a syringe...and the needle was already in Yuzuki’s jugular.

_Fuck._ For once in my life I wished my fire were anything other than black--anything bright. Creeper was still wearing his night vision goggles, and I could have knocked them out. Yuzuki could have knocked them out. Yuzuki should have KOed this guy by now.

“Let’s not,” I said gently, extending one hand palm-down in the universal  _calm down_ signal. “Whatever’s in that is better meant for someone with more world impact.”

Creeper laughed like I’d said something hilarious, then became deadly serious. I couldn’t see through his mask, but he was probably scowling. “Please. You have  _no_ idea--this is only the beginning.”

“NO!” I screamed, surging forward with my blade in one hand and a fireball flying from the other, but his thumb had already released whatever was in the syringe. He ducked and blasted a gust at me, throwing me into the dresser and Yuzuki flat on her face. I was up fast but he was already out of the window. I was having trouble breathing, but not nearly as much as Yuzuki. She was wheezing, but it sounded like air was only coming out.

“Help!” I croaked. “Help!” I turned Yuzuki over and propped her up on my leg. “Come on, come on.” I slapped her face lightly, but beyond the wheezing she was unresponsive.

Two gaurds burst into the room. I glared up at them--this should not have been allowed to happen. “Lock down the palace,” I ordered. “No. Lock down the whole damn city--find the man who did this. And get a fucking doctor!”

They just stood there. “Damnit,  _now!_ You’ve already screwed up enough tonight,” I snapped.

Wisely they dashed out.

I slapped her face some more. “Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeon.” The doctors needed to hurry up. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she went limp for a split second before every muscle in her body seized. She went into convulsions and spasms and I couldn’t hold her down--she was going to hurt herself more!

I yelled some more--what I yelled I’m not sure, but it got doctors in here faster. One of the guards pulled me away from her so the doctors had room to work.

I watched the two of them struggle to still her like I had, and soon they called for guards. One of them opened his case and started preparing some vaccine--to stop this, I hoped, but I couldn’t help but think  _what if, what if._ I was hyperventilating, panicking for so many reasons--this couldn't be happening, surely it was a nightmare. Maybe everything I remembered was just one huge nightmare and I could wake up and everything would be perf--

* * *

I came to about a minute later in the hallway. The guard who had been holding me was standing nearby.

"Are you alright?” she asked.

_Are you fucking kidding me?!_

She must have seen the expression on my face, because she quickly waved the question away. “Nevermind.”

I stood--too quickly, but I ignored the dizzyness. My heart rate was already starting to climb again. “Is she still seizing?”

“She is still. She’s only passed out, they hope.”

I relaxed just a little.  _Thank the spirits._ “Have they caught the guy?”

The guard shook her head. “The police have set up a perimeter and checkpoints, but nothing yet. They have dogs on his scent.”

_Devika._ I hoped she was okay. “My mask.” I knew they'd removed it so I could breathe easier, but I needed it right now.

“The Firelord asked for it, sort of. She said  _mask,_ so we gave it to her. That was her one second of lucidity before she passed out.”

I nodded once. She could keep it for now.

I stayed in the hallway until they let me in to see her sometime the next afternoon.  _“But only because she asked for you,”_ the doctor told me.  _“She’s fragile. Be nice.”_

I hovered around the bedroom door, waiting for exclusive permission to enter.

Yuzuki lay in her bed, propped up on several pillows, her eyes closed. She was pale and gaunt-looking, like she was already dead.

“Don’t hover, Saikō,” she said, her voice weak and scratchy.

I walked in and poured her a cup of water from the pitcher on the dresser on my way to her side. She accepted the cup gratefully, her movements strained and slow.

I knew I was scowling from concern and thought--something I was very self-conscious about. She always scolded me when she caught me do it, and though she did glance at my expression she said nothing.

“You went out last night.” Her voice was more steady now, but still hushed. She picked up my mask, which lay beside her, and gazed forlornly at it. “You swore you wouldn’t.”

“I know.” I wouldn’t dispute that--I didn’t agree with how she won the duels, but she did win, and I had failed to abide by the terms. “I didn’t go out like I used to, though. Just...recon. Then I noticed the guy being all suspicious and...I couldn’t let it go.”

“All the palace knows it’s you now.”

I grit my teeth. “Why is this so important to you? You’re bedridden by some poison! I want to know what’s going on. You can reprimand me later.”

Yuzuki met my eyes. She looked so tired, in more ways than one. “The doctors tell me this poison will slowly paralyze everything in my body, starting on the outside until it shuts down my heart and lungs. Already I struggle to move my hands and feet.”

I shook my head. “And they’re making a cure, right?”

“They can’t.”

I was silent for a moment. “Can you repeat that? I swear you just said they can’t...”

She shrugged, then winced. “I did say that. The antidote is made from the poison and there isn’t enough left in the syringe to make one from.”

I tilted my body to the side. “Then let’s get more poison.”

“ _There isn’t any._ This stuff hasn’t existed for over ten thousand years--no one knows how to make it or where to find the ingredients--they’re baffled as to how these people got their hands on enough to kill me.” Yuzuki shook her head slightly. “There is no silver lining here.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came. I scowled a little more and tried to swallow the growing lump in my throat.  _I’m not going to cry again. Not right now._

Yuzuki set her cup down on her nightstand and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. And...she  _smiled_ at me. She rarely smiles at me. “It’s going to be okay. Maybe not immediately, but soonish.”

My lips quirked up at that. “ _Soonish?_ ”

She let out a little laugh and released my hand. “I suppose. And I want you to have this back.” She slid my mask over. “You’re doing good...even though I might not agree with how you get it done. Just promise me you’ll be careful.”

I nodded. “Don’t worry, you’ll still be around to gripe if I’m not.”

She kept her sad little smile still. “I won’t be able to fulfill my role anymore. Someone needs to lead the nation.”

“I’m not ready for that. I’m only eighteen!” I huffed. “You know I’ll fuck it up.”

“No. You’ll have guidance--Iasso, Rohan, me for as long as I can. You’re a natural leader, Saikō. You’re just too afraid of disappointing anyone.”

I shook my head vigorously. “You have no idea--”

“Please don’t argue,” Yuzuki interjected, her smile fading. “I’m still very tired, and I do need to rest.”

I needed her to understand why me in charge was  _not_ a good idea, but I didn’t want to push her, not if I wanted to get out of destroying my nation. “We can talk later?”

“We can talk later.”

I bowed slightly and excused myself. I tried not to think about our little chat--it would give me nightmares and toss me into a major sobfest and...right now I just wanted to take a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.
> 
> Really. Most of the chapter was written on time, but my school year started the first week of August and since then it’s been ESSAYS and MATH and RAH STUDY OR DIE RAAAH so. But here it is! it’s done! Forgive me! (I’m going to stop promising to get stuff done by a certain date.) (But I will have at least one chapter done before the New Year--and I think the Chinese New Year is after Jan. 1? So who knows which one!)
> 
> Just a quick tentative timeline: I really, really want to finish this by the beginning of summer 2016, overhaul it--like maybe not throw Saikō/Kanta in so soon? or maybe keep it? Opinions would be greatly appreciated :D--using any and all feedback from all of you wonderful, marvelous readers and re-publish before 2017.
> 
> Comment here or drop something in my Tumblr inbox-- @maxgreydawolf. I really love all the kudos and the bookmark--you guys don’t have to and I love that you do--but I want to be published someday and I reallyreallyreally want to know what you guys think I can improve--ideas, structure, songs for the chapters, anything would be greatly appreciated. I can give incentive? Like maybe a Draw My Life for one of the characters? I dunno.
> 
> Also thank you to anyone who bothers to read all my notes XD you’re great!


	9. Turn the Music Up (part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turn the Music Up by NF
> 
> Just FYI, I’ve added a full list of possible trigger warning to the main note at the beginning if you want to see them. I’m going to start labeling chapters that have possible triggers in them, but I don’t want to say what the triggers are because spoilers. Just...be wary, if you need to be. If anyone wants me to be more specific on the TW for individual chapters, I’d be happy to regardless of spoilers. If I leave any out that I should add, please let me know.
> 
> More FYI: Until I do my overhaul of this once it’s done, several songs may be used multiple times and not one after the other. This chapter is not Second Chance II (mostly because it changed a lot as I wrote it), but there will probably be a Second Chance II III and maybe IV later.
> 
> Technical world-building info: (I don’t use scents frequently, but in case you were wondering how they worked) Person A does not smell the same to Persons B and C. Chemically their scent is the same, but there are special receptors in the nose that identify it as a human scent (and often Yin/Yang/Ying). The receptors trigger a memory of a scent, so when I’m describing how one person smells to another it’s more of a perception than reality. Scents can chage based on what one person thinks of another--like when Saiko smelled the assassin, she connected it with something sharp, but not something specific like she does with Iasso. When she meets him later (I feel it’s obvious so this shouldn’t be a spoiler), he isn’t just a faceless danger--so he may smell more like rotting flesh or something. For babies, their first scent is their mom/dad, so it (and some of the other people they smell very early on) is associated with a feeling of security, safety, and they may never identify the scent otherwise. (Scent perception works kind of like the corporeal form of a patronus in that if something big changes, the scent changes too, if that helps you understand.) The same special receptors that trigger memories of scents can also trigger feelings (see: babies) or go further to trigger memories directly, much like some normal scents can. Oh, and excess levels of chemicals can alter scents, too. Like if someone’s intoxicated or diabetic, they’re going to smell a bit more fermented or sweet than they should--but again, that depends on if you know them or not, since people can smell like that naturally. (That’s why, in most cases, saying someone smells drunk isn’t actually saying anything and you have to test stuff. It’s a bit more of a case if someone smells abnormally sweet--sometimes diabetes in kids is detected from sniffsniffs, according to my anatomy teacher.) Yeah? I love technical stuff so if you’re curious, just ask.

“Saikō, aren’t you ready yet?” Iasso yelled from the hallway. “It’s almost time.”

I grit my teeth. “Just give me a minute, dammit!” _I’m not ready in so many ways…_ They were officially announcing my interim status. Or... _I_ was. With a bunch of people around me. And watching me. Listening.

 _Spirits, what if I stutter?_ Stuttering would be a blessing, probably. I would be lucky if I didn’t just puke all over everyone. Or faint. I was probably going to faint.

“ _Saikō!_ ”

I grabbed two pills from the painkillers my aunt had left me, crushed them into a glass of water, and drank it quickly. Two was just the prescribed amount--enough to make me feel easy and make my eyes look funny, but not enough for people to really notice. I could take more later, when it was just Devika who had to put up with me trying to put her into a tutu and ramble about the science of braids.

 _To do list: get a refill._ Preferably from an actual pharmacy; the only reason Yuzuki caught me the last time I used painkillers is because the fucking dealer gave me the wrong shit.

Phew. Okay. I checked myself in the mirror--I hadn’t worn my dress uniform in a year, not since I’d moved into the reserves. It was a little tighter around the shoulders than it had been (thank you, doorframe bar), but as long as I didn’t give someone a hug or something it shouldn’t rip.

You know, I’ve always found women in uniform very attractive. Not even in uniform, just in like...pants. Tailored pants. I’ve never really understood crotchless bottoms.

I remembered I had “important” stuff to do just in time to prevent myself from another mental rant on the purpose of crotchless attire.

I flung my door open and breezed past Iasso and his little gaggle of guards like _they_ were the ones holding us up. (Which they kind of were. It took them about six seconds to catch up with me.)

“Please tell me I don’t have to speak,” I whined to Iasso. He thrust my ceremonial sword into my hands as we walked--it was a very nice blade, created like quality katanas had been a thousand years ago (meaning very well, with a lot of painstaking waiting and checking and hammering), but I didn’t enjoy having it around since it was made of bendable materials.

“You’re just decoration for the moment, but you have a meeting later today that I couldn’t get you out of,” Iasso answered tersely. I got the feeling I wasn’t his first choice to be Yuzuki’s stand-in.

(Implying that he was, obviously. But quite honestly I could have tolerated that--unfortunately Yuzuki said he was better as an advisor.)

I could hear a large crowd outside the palace doors and peered around the guards in front of me to see how many people were out there. The courtyard was packed full of politicians--domestic and international, special guests (pretty sure the dude they cast for the Nuktuk remakes was in the front row), and bloodthirsty news crews galore.

“ _Iasso!_ ” I snapped, shooting him a glare. “You said I wouldn’t have to speak!”

He shrugged, and I swear he smirked, too. “Don’t worry; we’ll cut the questions short enough so they won’t detect your inadequacy.”

I growled at him, just about ready to blast his ass, but I heard Yuzuki’s press cheif ask for quiet. _Don’t fuck this up,_ I told myself resolutely. _Make him eat his words._ I stood up straighter, lifted my chin a little higher, and straightened my cap. “Fuck you, Iasso,” I told him with a fake, official smile, facing forward. “By the time I’m finished, they’ll all wish I was the replacement.”

Iasso did not reply, but the crease I noticed in his brow when he stepped up beside me made me feel a little more sure.

The guards came to attention in a half-circle behind us, and the doors swung open dramatically. I strode out half a step behind Iasso, coming to a stop just behind and to the left of the podium. Not a soul spoke, but the whole gathered crowd seemed to breathe in sync.

I clasped my left wrist with my right hand and stood still like I’d seen Yuzuki do a thousand times. My eyes were shadowed from the angle of the sun, and I scanned the crowd covertly as Iasso spoke.

 _Fucking spirits, that is the Nuktuk guy._ I really hoped he wasn’t invited in the place of someone important. I mean, yay he’s there, and he’s fucking hot (and I’m fucking gay), but this really doesn’t have anything to do with him.

It didn’t have anything to do with the famous probenders, either, but my old team and coach were there, so. I hoped I would get a chance to talk with them after; Yuzuki made me quit probending almost a year ago, and my teammates were the only constant friends I had, but when we split we were all too busy training to hang out.

Kavi and Sayen Sato sat with the United Republic contingent--a few UR generals, the president and his husband, and an older lady I recognized but couldn’t place. Zaofu, in their fancy greens, was right next to them. We didn’t deal much with Zaofu, so I didn’t recognize them, but the old lady in the wheelchair had a beauty mark and I’m pretty sure that was Kuvira...she had to be old as fuck by now, though. (Like...I know Kyoshi was like two hundred but that’s not normal.) (I may have fangirled internally some over her? Her books on war and ethics are right up there with the Hirai Po-Ter series by Row Ling and I kind of wanted them signed.)

Rohan, bless his lonely airbender soul, was in the front row, watching me with a disturbingly concerned look.

I really hate that look.

The other three nations weren’t so grouped, thank the spirits. I find it incredibly annoying when all the nations get dressed in their traditional colors and sit together. Like, the Air Nation can do whatever because they’re a bunch of monks and they’re consistently cool, but when they’re all together it makes me want to play tic tac toe and that’s _unbecoming._

There were a few more people at the back, businesspeople I assume. Some of them looked kind of shady, but I guess that’s just their aesthetic.

Iasso stepped back and nudged me forward lightly. I supposed it was time for me to answer questions--after the ceremony.

I fucking forgot about this part. _Don’t look panicked. Journalists can sense fear._

A page--some mid-teens boy with budding acne--presented Iasso with the royal headpiece on a fancy red pillow.

My grandfather Iroh had refused to grow his hair long so he could wear the Flame Hair Barrette, so they created a fancy-ass crown for official shit and a circlet for regular wear. The crown was a little pretentious: the band is red steel, rimmed on top and bottom with a bit of gold. The Flame Hair Barrette is welded front-and-center, and smaller versions are welded around the band. It’s like wearing a unicorn headpiece, okay? Yuzuki pulled it off beautifully, regally, but I can’t even pull of an angled-up snapback. The circlet is only about an inch wide and looks exactly like the crown, except all the little gold flames are completely inside the band. (The inside is also lined with felt since it’s for extended wear.)

Most of the crowd stood when Iasso removed my cap and replaced it with the unicorn headpiece, and when he bowed everyone else did--except the military people, they just _had_ to salute.

The bowing made me uncomfortable--I really hadn’t done anything to deserve it, and I kind of wanted to tell them all they were bowing to a useless piece of shit--but it made me feel powerful, and I wanted more. I commanded a _country_ now--and I couldn’t even make seventy five percent of the elements quiver. I wanted _more._

Iasso rose quickly, signaling for everyone to resume their seats. “The interim Firelord will now be taking questions, but we’ll have to keep it short.” He switched spots with me.

I stared at the reporters clamoring for attention, unsure who to choose, but Iasso did it for me. I guess he’d orchestrated the questions beforehand to keep me in line.

“Won’t your position as Firelord and status as Avatar create a conflict of interest?” the young man Iasso had chose asked.

“ _Interim,_ ” I corrected. “Not at all. As Avatar, my duty is to keep balance in the world. Right now, thanks to Avatar Korra’s efforts, the world is at peace and I am not needed in that capacity. As interim Firelord, my duty is to do what is best for my nation and its people--what is best now is that we stay the course Firelord Yuzuki planned. I will not make any decisions that would upset balance in the world, not only because, as Avatar, that goes against my nature, but also because, as Firelord, doing so would put my nation in a precarious position.” _Phew._ The reporter seemed satisfied, and I’d survived. _That wasn’t too hard._

Iasso motioned to another journalist.

“Will the World Probending Championship still be held in Capital City this year?”

The crowd tittered.

I smiled--not too big, just enough to show I wasn’t a hardass--and answered, “We will be as honored to host the tournament now as we were when the event was finalized seven months ago.” My old team would be in the tournament. I wanted to know where they’d found such an experienced firebender--he was some yin named Lee and he was only sixteen and he was _fucking_ amazing.

Next. “Will you be attending the World Leaders Summit?”

I inclined my head slightly. “I hope Firelord Yuzuki will be back on her feet by that time, but in the event she is not I will go in her place.”

“Okay, that’s all we have time f--”

I raised my hand, cutting Iasso off. “No, we have time for a few more,” I said generously. “Who’s next?”

I heard several versions of “What the fuck is going on with Yuzuki?”--obviously not phrased with such vulgarity. Iasso had only told them she had come down with something and required as much rest as possible to ensure a quick recover. He made a small, panicked noise when he heard the main question, and I could practically _feel_ his anger when I decided to answer it.

The reporters didn’t want to shut up, so I used my battlefield projection voice to make them. “ **Silence.** ” You could have heard a pin drop after that. I shivered slightly with the effectiveness of my command. “Despite its sensitive nature, I believe you all have the right to know the truth. Firelord Yuzuki is not bedridden because she _contracted_ something. Three days ago an assassin broke into the palace and attempted to murder her while she slept. Thanks to Masked Max,” I couldn’t resist a little shoutout to myself, okay? Don’t fucking judge me “and the swift action of the palace healers, the attempt was unsuccessful. The culprit is, currently, unidentified, and his whereabouts are unknown.”

“Was she poisoned?”

“Yes. The poison is unidentified but contained; it appears to be a neurotoxin of some kind.”

“Did he act alone?”

I was enjoying this line of questioning more--the focus was off of me. “No. We don’t know what organization he is a part of, but he was not alone.”

A young boy--maybe seven or eight, and gripping tightly to the pants leg of the man beside him--stood and raised his hand politely. “You, Sir.” I pointed to him, smiling softly.

He took a deep breath and neutralized some of the panicked worry on his face. “What’s the pr-prognnosis? We aren’t--” his voice wavered, and a few tears oozed tragically from his eyes, “we won’t lose her, will we?”

 _Big word for such a little kid._ “Our physicians are working tirelessly on an antidote, and they have slowed the progress of the toxin enormously. The police force and our military’s finest are scouring high and low for the assassin. We are all optimistic, and spirits help us she will be back to full health soon.” I nodded once, and waited a moment, but everyone seemed to be absorbing the reality. “That’s all we have time for right now. Thank all of you for attending, and have a wonderful afternoon and safe trips home.”

I turned off the mike and spun around to face Iasso. His face was redder than a fucking tomato, and I had a heck of time keeping my shit together.

“How _dare_ you?” he hissed, his voice full of ire but his face remarkably calm. “We chose only a few questions for a reason-- _safe_ questions!”

“I will not appear to be subject to your wishes, Iasso,” I replied. “And now the whole world is aware--if there’s a group out there that’s just rising, or if this poison has been seen before, or if an attempt is made on any of the other leaders, we’ll know about it, and we’ll be that much closer to fixing this mess, and that way you won’t have to follow my orders for very long.”

Iasso stared at me. I smiled, clapped him on the shoulder, and quickly traded my unicorn piece for the circlet. “You have fun knowing I just schooled your ass while I go talk to the people. If it makes you happy, I’ll avoid more questions about my aunt.”

I hopped off the stage, shaking hands with a few richie-riches and blowing them off politely, and looked for the little boy who’d asked that question, but the boy’s father found me.

“Excuse me, Firelord?” he said meekly from behind me.

I turned around. “Yes?” But then I saw the little boy still clinging to his pants, and I legit smiled and offered my hand.

He shook it firmly and gave me an apologetic grimace. “I’m sorry about him; Firelord Yuzuki spoke at his school last year, and Savin here chased her down after and asked her if he could be whatever he liked even though he’s a yin, and the Firelord told him about her sister, and about her grandmother, and--” he seemed to realize he was beginning to ramble and cut himself off. “Yuzuki is his inspiration. And, um...I’m sure you’re tired of this, and I’m probably overstepping, but...I’m really sorry about your mother. She sounds like she was a great woman.”

My smile turned a little sad. “Thank you; she really was. And--don’t apologize for your son.” I squatted down to his level. “Your question was very much appreciated, Savin.”

The little boy blushed. “You gave an ambig-ambi...ambidextrous answer.”

“Ambiguous?” I corrected gently. He nodded. I took a deep breath--in, out slowly. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up like they always do when I get ready to make impossible promises I mean with everything I have. “It wouldn’t do well for me to be too positive on live broadcasting, but I _promise_ you Yuzuki will have that antidote. As soon as I can get away from my new duties I’ll be helping find it and I won’t stop until I do.”

Savin surged forward and flung his arms around my neck. I froze for a moment, then relaxed and patted his back. “Everything’s going to be okay, yeah?”

He nodded against my shoulder, then went back to clinging to his father. Both of them bowed.

“Thank you,” he said gratefully.

I stood and smiled at them both. “No problem, really. Have a nice day.”

They headed toward the gate, and I almost felt bad for giving them so much hope. I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, exhausted from the socializing. Iasso mentioned something about a meeting later. It was about two o’clock, and most meetings “later” were around five. I could sleep for maybe two hours and drink enough coffee to stay awake until after dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the fuck?? XD I don't know what this is. All fluff--I could literally take this whole thing out and only like two minor plot points would need to be changed. The only really important thing this did is distract me from last Thursday. I kind of hate the whole thing, but hopefully you enjoyed it! Come bug me on tumblr @maxgreydawolf
> 
>  
> 
> I don’t know about you, but I’m quite fond of writing Saiko in the first person...I know she kind of went off on tangents in places, so read the below bit, mmkay? (Thoughts on Saiko in the first?)
> 
> I’m using Saiko’s reaction to the oxy from my own experience with it, so...idk if any of you are really picky that’s just how my body reacted, plus a little inference about how drugs work/mild research. (The doctor prescribed the stuff to me after I had my wisdom teeth removed--I’d been told it wasn’t actually bad but FUCKING HELL I took one the first day and conked out immediately after and then didn’t take another until three days later and honestly it’s kind of terrifying like...I’d rather be in pain instead??? also penicillin tastes like poison…)(wisdom teeth removal isn’t that bad, but my mom got mad at me after because I wanted some yogurt...and honestly getting into a yelling match directly after oral surgery isn’t the best idea XD) Anyway, hope everyone enjoyed :D 
> 
> If anyone wants to look it up (because I didn’t want to spend a ton of time describing shit), the dress uniforms I reference are modeled after US military dress. For the Fire Nation Royal Marines, the uniform looks like USMC officer blue-white A except everything is black instead of just the top, Royal Navy, Army, and Air Force are all the same style, except Navy is all very dark blue, Army is olive drab, and Air force is darkish blue. Obviously the insignia change based on service. The Fire Nation Royal Family’s uniforms all have red piping (like USMC enlisted dress top) and a red stripe down the outside of the legs. All the other uniforms are the same (meaning PT gear, cammies, service, whatever else there is) (same meaning Royal Marines-USMC, Royal Navy, US Navy, etc.)
> 
> Also, @justanaveragewatermelon, it's only going to get worse from here :D I don't remember if I put this in another note, but I do know where this story is going to end and it's not happy. To be completely honest, the thought of actually writing it makes me a little sick but changing it doesn't feel right and I don't know why. I just hope I can pull it off like it deserves.
> 
> Speaking of writing things, I was going to bring this out of the omegaverse, but I forgot the original plotline XD fuck me >.>


	10. Thanks for the Memories/Landfill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanta is thirsty; Saikō gives her a glass of water and they chat. Possible breakthrough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I picked two songs since I couldn’t decide on one. Thanks for the Memories by Fall Out Boy and Landfill by Daughter. I suggest reading the chapter and then listening to the songs as follows: the first mostly from Kanta’s point of view, the second with the verses more from Saikō’s and the chorus more from Kanta’s. Since most of this chapter is from Kanta’s point of view you won’t see too much of Saikō’s verses now, but it looks like there will be a Landfill part two later that’s mostly Saikō. (I have come to the decision there will be a sequel, if I haven’t said that yet, and honestly Landfill is disturbingly appropriate for several parts...which concerns me a little bit because I don’t want everyone to be too similar, but also it gives me a chance to show how the characters act differently despite having similar feelings and situations...I feel like most of the Landfill chapters will probably have another song like this one.) (Should I explain how you should take the song? I know my notes are long as fuck already but doing so kind of help me sort things out...and it might make things a little bit clearer.) (When I do my post-production overhaul of this I plan to insert song quotes where they fit in the chapter...I wanted to do it first time around but I have enough trouble updating as in XD GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS because that might be an awful idea, who knows :P)   
> Also I think I’m going to start adding summaries...short ones that don’t actually say much of anything. Because they’re amusing me. And if I’m laughing I can’t tell one tear from another, so.  
> Also also: I noticed that Saikō takes her motorcycle back to the palace when she leave’s Kanta the morning after...but she walked there. I’ll add it in later, but in case that was annoying any of you as much as it was me, Saikō leaves her motorcycle there because she goes on patrol after she sees Kanta safely home. (Well...now she does XD yes, yes, that was a bit of a plot hole. Alert me to any others, please, so I can fix them ASAP :D)

Devika was not as terrifying as she appeared to be. Granted, that might be because Kanta hadn’t yet gotten around to washing the comforter she and Saikō had...she blushed at the flood of feelings that resurfaced at the thought, and she smiled a little until she remembered why she’d snuck into Saikō’s room.

Anyway, Devika loved having her belly rubbed. Yay.

If she had to be honest, she intentionally avoided washing the comforter. Saikō smelled really good, and the linger kept a lot of other yangs from hitting on her at work.

Work. She double checked she still had the files in her bag.

A door clicked open somewhere in the room, but Kanta couldn’t see where until someone-- _ Saikō _ \--moved the dresser out of the way. Saikō didn’t notice her right away, but she froze for a second before shaking her head slightly and grabbing a bottle of pills.

“Devika,” she said absentmindedly, having heard the soft thumping of Devika’s tail, “what the fuck are you doing?”

Saikō turned, dumping the pills into her mouth and following them with some red drink she’d found. Kanta met her eyes stoically, unsure how she wanted to do this. (That was a bit of lie--she knew  _ exactly  _  how she wanted to do this, but unfortunately that wouldn’t get her anywhere besides post-coital ambivalence.)

“You’re committing a felony,” Saikō said with a disapproving look, but she sounded glad.

Kanta shot the pill bottle a look. “You’re one to talk.” She wasn’t sure she was right, but she’d noticed the pills on her way in and knew they were painkillers. Saikō hadn’t appeared injured enough for them during the coronation and she certainly didn’t seem to be in pain right now.

Saikō flushed. “I had--teeth removed three days ago. Besides, addiction is a misdemeanor. Dealing is a felony.”

“It’s a felony for officers without a psychological excuse,” Kanta countered. The State had special treatment and rehabilitation facilities for addicts, but military officers were supposed to be the example and as such were held to stricter standards.

(Kanta almost joined the medical corps. Then she decided she wanted to actually do something instead of spend her days telling soldiers to stop doing stupid things.)

Saikō clenched her jaw, but otherwise ignored the statement. “Why are you here? Or better yet, how the  _ fuck  _ did you get in here? There were guards all over the place today.”

“I told a guard I had an appointment with you. He recognized me from last time.” Actually Kanta had told the man she was here on a booty call, but Saikō didn’t need to know that. (She wouldn’t mind being here for that. Saikō looked hot in uniform.)

Saikō glared at her. “So you lied.”

Kanta  _ hmm _ ed. “Not really. I just didn’t tell you we had an appointment.” Judging by the hurt look on Saikō’s face, that wasn’t the right thing to say.  _ This is why I don’t make jokes.  _

“You didn’t answer my first question,” Saikō snapped. “And get the fuck away from my dog.”

Devika whimpered sadly when Kanta moved away from her. “I heard you answer the reporters’ questions--and I think I can help.” She watched Saikō’s face carefully. She didn’t seem to think Kanta was lying, so she stepped closer to Saikō and drew the files from her bag. “You didn’t list her symptoms, but we’ve had quite a few cases of mysterious poisoning the past few months. We don’t have the resources to research it, and the blood samples we sent to the state lab are on hold indefinitely.”

“What...” Saikō handled the files gingerly, flipping through the pages and pages of dead patients like they were sacred. “There are dozens,” she said in disbelief. “That’s not possible.” Now anger. She looked back to Kanta, scowling but not at her. “How are they ignoring this?”

“It’s coming from an Eclipse clinic; they assume it’s some new drug that’s getting popular,” Kanta answered with a shrug. “What do you mean ‘that’s not possible’? Do you know something?”

“Do you have any samples with you?”

_ Yes!  _ Kanta nodded and set her bag down to dig for the ones she’d brought. “I brought several because, you know how sometimes things affect hormones or whatever and there’s a bit of a pattern, but--here they are. I don’t know; it might be nothing.”

Saikō gave her a confused look. “What?”

“All the patients, they’re--”

“Later.” Saikō grabbed her hand and pulled her quickly from the room. “I want you to look at Yuzuki,” she said hopefully, practically dragging Kanta through the halls. 

“Saikō, I’m not a doctor!” she protested. 

“I don’t fucking  _ care! _ ” Saikō snapped, barging right into the Firelord’s quarters. “The doctors aren’t helping anyway.”

Kanta hadn’t fucking signed up for this. She glared at Saikō’s back, but schooled her expression quickly when Saikō pulled her into the Firelord’s bedroom. 

_ Spirits.  _ Yuzuki’s skin was pale, almost greyish. An array of tubes and cords stretched from her body: several from her chest and head, monitoring heart rate, brain waves, temperature...probably; an oxygen tube threaded into her nose; IVs from both arms to a large...dialysis machine?; and one wire that appeared to go straight through her leg.  _ What?  _ Half the stuff made no sense to her. She turned to the nurse standing awkwardly in the corner. “Do you know what all this is for?”

The man’s eyes flicked to Saikō, then to Yuzuki, then back to Kanta. “Erm...I’m not sure I’m authorized--”

“Answer her questions,” Saikō snapped, not taking her eyes off Yuzuki. “She’s a healer; she might have an idea we haven’t tested yet.”

“O-okay. Well, this poison slows everything to a stop, so we’re constantly monitoring heart rate and brain activity and ease of breathing, since those are vital, and this thing here--” he motioned to the wire in her leg “--monitors cell metabolism or something. I’m not sure what it does exactly, but it helps measure how deep the paralysis is. And her blood is completely filtered every eighteen hours, with nutrients and painkillers and such added before it goes back in. The poison has already permeated the tissues, but by filtering it we can slow it down some.”

Kanta nodded. When she’d last visited Zaofu she’d toured their hospital dome and had seen some of these things in action--but obviously not under the same circumstances. “How far has the poison gotten?”

The nurse checked the screen the leg wire was attached to. “She has limited use of her skeletal muscles, and regular bodily functions are slightly slower than they should be.”

“And where would it be without the dialysis?”

“We’ve slowed it by about twenty percent, so...renal failure, at least. Possibly nervous system shutdown. We can’t be sure; we’ve seen nothing like this before.”

Kanta ran the numbers quickly.  _ Her blood is filtered four times per three days...if they upped that to four times a day it could slow it down by at least seventy percent...maybe eighty, if it circulates again before being completely contaminated. One system shutdown per fourish days now...but if they went faster she might still have limited control four days from now. And if it speeds up the deeper it goes...that could extend her life by maybe eighteen days, optimistically.  _

Saikō glared off into space as though if her gaze was intense enough it could burn away the poison. Lightly, Kanta touched Saikō’s shoulder to get her attention. “Do you trust me?” she asked softly.

Saikō met her eyes and nodded without hesitation.

Kanta’s hand slipped down to hold Saikō’s as she turned to the nurse. “You need to have her blood fully filtering every six hours. It will put more strain on her, so add in something to keep her asleep more--the less she moves, the slower it will spread.”

Nurse man looked incredulously at her. “Excuse me? I don’t think you’re qualified--”

“ _ Do as she says, _ ” Saikō ordered, glaring now at him.

He shrank back a little at her tone. “Yes, Firelord.”

“Not in front of  _ her, _ ” Saikō snapped, jerking her head at Yuzuki. “Do not disrespect her.”

“It is...fine,” came a small voice from the bed. All three heads turned to look at Yuzuki.

Nurse man bowed deeply, and after a moment of shock Kanta followed his example. Saikō shifted forward slightly, face turning concerned now, and asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Fro...zen,” Yuzuki answered slowly. “Talk is...difficult.” She dragged her eyes to Kanta’s, indicating without words she wanted her to come closer.

Kanta moved forward, Saikō squeezing her hand before letting it go. She leaned down a little. “Firelord?”

The corners of Yuzuki’s eyes twitched, almost like she was smiling, but then she became serious again. “Saikō...trusts you,” she confided quietly. “She will...need...someone in her cor...ner... _ soon. _ ”

Kanta nodded, understanding what the Firelord was implying. “I’ll be there,” she promised quietly.

“Thank you,” Yuzuki tried to say, but no sound came out. She clenched her jaw like she was merely being inconvenienced.

Kanta gave her a small smile before stepping away. “You need to rest. Movement will speed things along and no one wants that.”

“But we might have a cure!” Saikō exclaimed, the words practically bursting out of her. “Kanta has seen this before; she brought blood samples, and if the labs can extract enough poison from it they can replicate it and we can beat this--you’ll be better before you know it, I promise.” She was grinning and confident and almost buzzing with hope.

The corners of Yuzuki’s lips twitched up, but her eyes betrayed how she really felt. Tears welled in them, but didn’t fall--she wouldn’t let them, not in front of Saikō. Because...they were _ for _ her.

Kanta’s stomach dropped.  _ She knows she won’t make it. She can’t even fathom living through this--what does she know that we don’t?  _ She looked back at Saikō, who smiled still. She obviously hadn’t picked up on her aunt’s emotional state.

“Let’s get those samples to the labs, yeah?” she suggested, taking Saikō’s arm and tugging her toward the door, trying to turn her around before Yuzuki’s eyes overflowed. Kanta nodded in Yuzuki’s direction. “Afternoon, Firelord.”

Saikō waved happily and let herself be led out. “Did you see her smile?” She bounced slightly as she walked. “I can’t believe it. I mean, it sucks that people have died, but--did you see her face? We’re on to something!”

Kanta just nodded and smiled and hid the truth as she half-led Saikō back to her room. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, okay?”

Saikō  _ hmm _ ed, obviously not registering what Kanta actually said. She stopped suddenly just inside her door, her grip on Kanta’s hand tightening. “Kanta,” she breathed.

Kanta turned to face her and barely held in a curt  _ what? _

“Kanta,  _ we’re on to something. _ ” Her eyes were wide, almost as though she hadn’t been gushing about this for at least five minutes. “Holy shit!” She grabbed Kanta around the waist, lifting her and spinning them around excitedly.

Kanta squeaked, slightly off-put by the sudden grab. “ _ Please  _ do not do that again.”  _ Or at least fucking warn me.  _

Saikō laughed but complied. “Sorry,” she muttered insincerely, her voice muffled against Kanta’s shoulder. “It’s just...she’s going to be okay. And I’m not going to have to be Firelord. And things can go back to the way they were before all this happened.”

Kanta felt as though she could  _ touch  _ the longing in Saikō’s voice. “I don’t think things will ever be the same, Saikō,” she replied softly.  _ Before this you seemed to hate me.  _ She patted Saikō’s head, then pulled back and held Saikō’s face they could see eachother. “I don’t want them to be.”

Saikō’s pupils were so blown it would take an idiot to think she wasn’t high. “What do you mean?”

Kanta dismissed Saikō’s drug use--she seemed to know what she was doing. They could revisit that issue later. “Well, I kind of prefer it when you...” She leaned closer, bumping their noses together softly as she searched for something accurate to finish with. “Like me.”  _ Sometimes simplest is best. _

Saikō’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Kanta, I’ve always liked you,” she whispered back. “What world are you living in?”

_ The real one, unfortunately.  _ “The one where you left without a word.” She nudged Saikō back a step. “The one where you pushed me away.” She nudged back a bit harder. “The one where you pretended we had  _ nothing. _ ” One final  _ nudge _ and Saikō fell onto the bed with a satisfying  _ uf.  _ Anger burned hot in Kanta’s chest--you didn’t do those things to people you cared about. And she  _ knew  _ Saikō cared about her.

Saikō pursed her lips to the side, eyes flicking briefly to Kanta’s lips. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“That’s a fucking  _ lie. _ ” Straddling Saikō, Kanta channeled her ire into a rough, demanding kiss, tried to convey how pained and pissed off she was in the same movement. Saikō let her take what she wanted without objection, only giving the slightest grunt when Kanta bit her lip too hard. 

Breathless, Kanta broke away, propping her forehead on Saikō’s. “I think you  _ wanted  _ to hurt me,” she accused, her hand snaking from Saikō’s shoulder to the center of her chest where it pressed hard, then clenched desperately into a fist, gripping Saikō’s shirt like a lifeline. “You wanted to hurt me now so you wouldn’t later.”

Saikō tried for another kiss, but Kanta pulled her head away. “What are you so afraid of?” Kanta demanded, scowling. “I’m not fucking glass, you know.”

Saikō shook her head and wrapped both her hands around the fist at her chest, then lifted them shakily to cradle Kanta’s face. Through fresh tears and clenched teeth she hissed, “ _ You. _ ”

 

Kanta let Saikō doze in her arms for a few minutes after they’d finished, but with every second that ticked by her panic increased until she couldn’t deny it anymore. She wanted more than anything to stay here and nap with Saikō--and maybe have some meaningful pillowtalk after, because spirits know they needed it, but she didn’t want to be around when Saikō woke up sober.

She cleared her throat and pulled herself out of bed. “Thanks,” she said as though Saikō were a waiter refilling her drink. “I needed that.” She was grateful her clothes had ended up in the same general area so she didn’t have to search for them.

Saikō groaned in protest, stretched slowly, and dragged the sheets over her legs since Kanta had been the only thing covering her. “You're leaving?” she asked with a yawn. “I don't have to be anywhere for another hour and a half; we could--”

Kanta gave a hard, cruel laugh as she fastened her shirt. “Pillow talk and cuddle? You're a nice fuck but my shift starts soon, and I can tell the meds are making you drowsy; you'd fall asleep if we went again.” 

“You were eager to talk earlier...”

Kanta tied her boots violently. “Well, I don’t need more confirmation you’re not who I want controlling my nation.”

Saikō was silent for several seconds before whispering, almost inaudibly, “Say that again.”

Kanta, now dressed, finally felt strong enough to look at Saikō. She was crying again, silently, and even though she was having trouble keeping her eyes open Kanta could see how hard Saikō hoped this was all a joke. Instead of making her feel guilty, the sight made her feel like she'd won. Even so, the feeling she should stop nagged at her. "You're a shitty person, Saikō,” but she doesn't, “and the biggest fucking coward I know. There are enough of you already."  She blew Saikō a sarcastic kiss and left the room like she didn’t see how deep the wounds she gouged go, like she wasn’t going to drink so much whiskey later that she could express her own wounds in hours spent in front of her toilet, like she wouldn’t find herself wondering, later, if she had the biggest hand in tearing Saikō apart.

 

I stared at the closed door, waiting for Kanta to sweep back in and tell me she didn’t mean it, that she just wanted me to feel like she had but she didn’t actually think those things. But she never did, and I could feel my heart crumbling. 

Sick of feeling so naked, I scrambled to cover myself completely, even though I was alone. I felt a little warmer but the raw, vulnerable beast eating at me stuck around. Bile burned in my throat and I didn’t bother trying to hold it down. Maybe I hoped it would take some of the self-hate in me with it.

(It didn’t. My bed didn’t appreciate the mess, either.) I didn’t think pushing Kanta away had hit her so hard--she was so  _ strong,  _ and I was just...nothing. I wanted to believe I meant something to her, but I was little more than an insignificant passerby who got caught up in her luminescent personality and let it get a little out of hand. Was this just payback? Or did she plan this? Could she not see how much I wanted to cling to her? (Could she not see why I couldn’t?)

Whatever the reason, I didn’t doubt I deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a doctor. Medical info from my mom. (She teaches Anatomy and is basically a doctor anyway so.)
> 
> Aight. Too much? Not enough? If you haven’t noticed, I moved the rating on up to Mature, but again, not for ~sexytimes~. I moved it up becuase I’m getting increasingly uncomfortable with where this is going. Mostly in light of the The 100 shitstorm. I doubt this story means much to anyone but I’m having issues with writing anything other than lovely fluff for my little brainchildren. I don’t know. It’s difficult to explain without a sound recording of miscellaneous anguished noises and sobs, so. Thoughts are always welcome. I’d also love someone trustworthy to bounce my ideas off of, if anyone’s interested.
> 
> So...maybe water wasn’t what Saikō gave Kanta. (No, she isn’t pregnant. I refuse to bring a newborn into this shithole. I am not TWD.) (Yes, that was lowkey hate sex. Or...sort of a cross between make up sex and hate sex. If that even makes sense.) (I saw a very well-written post on Tumblr explaining top-vs-bottom in terms of trust rather than body placement, and I think Kanta qualifies as the top in this relationship. Just...if anyone cares.) I was a little iffy about the scene leading into the thirst quenching...I tried to make obvious Kanta was a little horny earlier in the chapter, but I wanted it to be on the backburner, more of an afterthought sort of thing? Or...an easier alternate course of action that isn’t really plausible but is much more pleasant? Tbh I have never really experienced “thirst” (or kissing or sex while we’re at it so sorry if the kisses fall flat. I have zero experience to go off of :D) so I’m not really sure how to write it. And I am aware that Saikō was high when they got it on--I will say that it was something she wanted, but as she would not have acted like that while sober I doubt she would have done it in that moment. As in the last chapter, the drugs kind of make her easily distracted, so if she were sober she would have been much more focused on getting the samples where they needed to go, but then Kanta was all close and shit so. I want to make it clear that if someone is not sober for any reason they cannot really consent to sex. (I’m not labeling this as noncon, but it does fall in a shaky grey area.) I repeat: DRUNK OR HIGH CONSENT IS NOT CONSENT. JUST BECAUSE THEY DO NOT EXPLICITLY STATE “NO” DOES NOT MEAN “YES”. IF THEY INDICATE “YES” AND THEN LATER INDICATE “NO”, YOU BETTER FUCKING BACK OFF. It isn’t difficult, people. I don’t care if you’re a top or a bottom or into hardcore bdsm, consent is fucking important and everyone should fucking respect it.
> 
> Where was I? Ah, the scene. It felt a little abrupt to me? But like...that’s kind of how it happens sometimes. Person A is kind of thirsty for Person B and then A and B go do something nonsexual and then suddenly end up inside eachother’s personal space and then A remembers their horniness and sex ensues. (#cliche) So. And I hope Kanta’s exit was okay...I planned it before I wrote the chapter and I’m not sure I’m happy with how it meshed. I knew I wanted it to go that way because Kanta is kind of a vindictive little bitch sometimes, but she and Saikō are endgame and her words really did cut deep.
> 
> This doesn’t really apply yet, but please know this: if I kill someone off, it is literally just because anyone can die in this verse. Hardly anyone is straight (one thing I love about omegaverse is gender identity hardly matters. I think Saikō has the most specific sexuality: female yins only. And some of the relationships are yang-yang and I think there’s a yin-yin somewhere? I don’t really remember), and while some of the relationships do kind of lean toward less accepted pairings (not like...bestiality. Think age differences and such. But like...they’re both women and everyone knows older ladies are hot anyway so. (Kind of a joke? There’s a post circulating Tumblr about this--apparently the Straights are suprised by that? Like?? Where the fuck have they been living?)), any deaths that occur are just deaths. I promise you. Maybe I’ll track down my character list and figure out a sexuality label for them XD Or I’ll just make a spreadsheet or something.
> 
> Also. I do have an ace character that’s pretty important but a pointer post for portraying ace characters came across my dash the other day. If any of you readers are ace and willing to listen I would love to run this character by you because I’m a little worried some people might get offended. (Would it help if I said her sexuality just kind of slapped me in the face?) I tweaked her some but feel fee to message me on Tumblr @maxgreydawolf
> 
> That’s a lie. There is one death that is supposed to mean something. I will put it in the notes. It shouldn’t piss anyone off, promise ;)
> 
> Next time in I Regret All My Writing Decisions: plot appears? kind of? like, more of it. but not overwhelming amounts.


	11. Migraine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That brief nightmare from forever ago makes another appearance. So do some faves from LoK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Migraine by Twenty One Pilots  
> Hmm did someone say I didn’t need to write long-ass notes every fucking time? Probably. Not too much to say this time around beyond enjoy :P  
> (I do have a bit to say) Er...this one’s short. I decided to chop the chapters again. But you people are getting a double update today anyway so cut me some slack :P I write prolifically Thursdays after ten PM (hmm wonder why I’m always in a mood then hmmm #lexadeservedbetter)  
> This one is pretty much all Saiko, so the song is too. This chapter was pretty difficult to find a fitting song for, but I think Migraine captures Saiko’s feelings about this pretty well.  
> Now I’m done, promise. Enjoy! (please :D)

_ I skidded to a stop just behind the guards at the monitoring center. “What’s going on?” _

_ One guard motioned helplessly at the mover screens. “We don’t know. She woke up screaming about three hours ago and has been curled up like that almost the whole time. She sits up for a little, then collapses again. We went through the footage--she isn’t hurt or anything.” _

_ “Has she been out at all since the last time I visited?” _

_ The guard shook his head. “No, ma’am, not once. We called the prison physician but she wouldn’t let him touch her.” _

_ “She broke his arm, actually,” the other guard added helpfully. _

_ I ignored her. “Let me into the cell.” _

_ “ _ **_I don’t need a healer!_ ** _ ” Kuvira yelled when I stepped into her cell--and got slammed by a wall of her scent. _

_ “How about a friend instead?” I moved slowly to her side, breathing through my mouth, then sat cross-legged and waited for her to respond. _

_ She was silent for several minutes. At first I thought she was just being difficult, but then I noticed she was disturbingly tense and shaking more and more as time passed. Then, for no apparent reason, she just relaxed, panting. “I would prefer some rum.” _

_ I smiled. “Wu says to give you some cucumber water.” _

_ Kuvira pushed herself up with a derisive snort. “I prefer to keep vegetables out of my drinks.” _

_ I  _ hmm _ ed and steered the conversation back to the matter at hand. “You want to tell me what’s going on?” _

_ Kuvira wiped some of the sweat from her face. She looked...troubled. But... _ resigned  _ troubled, like she expected all this. “I have an unfortunate condition,” she began carefully, “and I ran out of the tea that manages it.” _

_ I squinted at her, confused. “What is this condition? How have you been getting the tea to begin with?” _

_ “Chief Beifong brings it to me once a month. I had a large supply in my quarters in Zaofu, which she was kind enough to retrieve for me when she stopped Su from destroying all my things. Again.” _

_ I noticed she ignored my first question. “Tell me what tea it is; I can get you more.” _

_ She shook her head, smiling grimly. “I don’t know what it is. Suyin went to great lengths to help me manage this and I never asked what she was giving me. She grows the plant in her garden but refuses to allow me any more. According to Chief Beifong she said she would gladly give it to me when she forgives me, and she promised me in no uncertain terms that would never happen. Besides, what I have isn’t life-threatening. It’s just an extreme inconvenience.” _

Wait a minute.  _ “Aren’t you a yang?” I knew she was. This was a monthly thing? Yangs...didn’t have monthly things. I mean, we have hormone fluctuations but nothing like this. This was heat-level. Beyond, even--Asami on her worst days wasn’t this bad. _

_ Kuvira’s expression darkened--I guess she picked up on my thinking. “Yes, Korra, I am,” she ground out. “Please do not go down that road. I had enough tests and experiments done when I was a teenager, thank you.” _

_ I held my hands up. “Okay, okay. While I’m here, do you want to try meditating again? I won’t be getting back to sleep tonight anyway.” _

_ “Fine.” Kuvira sighed. “I won’t either. May as well waste my time productively--” She hunched over, tensing again. “I wouldn’t object to a tranquilizer dart right now, though,” she hised through clenched teeth. _

_ I scooted closer and grabbed her hands. “I’ll try to guide you into the spirit world--if you can ignore the pain enough to meditate in you might not feel the pain anymore.” _

_ Kuvira squeezed my hands so hard I feared they’d break, but slowly the pressure lessened as she got her breathing under control. “I’ve only managed that once.” _

_ “Now you have incentive. Just focus on me.” _

_ Over an hour later, she had calmed enough to meditate steadily. I could feel her reaching for the spirit world--she was close, but much like every other time she tried she balked a little when she found what she was looking for, and lost it. I shifted into the Avatar State to attempt some minor spirit bending to help her in. If I timed it right and did it gently enough to not startle her, her spirit could use me as a bridge in. I drifted some and felt her connect--I expected an odd little jolt like the last time this was successful and prepared for it so it wouldn’t break my concentration. _

_ Instead of a jolt, a wave of agony rolled over me, centered low in my gut. I’d felt pain before--this was right up there with the Red Lotus poison. I heard screaming, but I couldn’t tell who it was--me, Kuvira, both of us, it didn’t matter. I couldn’t take this. In a panic I blew us apart with air, but nothing stopped, everything just-- _

 

I woke screaming, clutching my gut--it felt like barbed wire had made itself comfortable  _ down there _ , which was  _ not  _ agreeable  _ at all  _ and kind of made me want to die more than usual.

You know how sometimes when something is kind of... _ embedded  _ in you and slowly removed? And it’s kind of agonizing but also kind of nice even though it tends to leave you with an incredibly unpleasant ache that really isn’t any better?  _ That’s  _ what happened when the acid-coated barbed wire feeling decided to go away. Instead of being  _ reasonable  _ it left me with a slightly less please-kill-me muted-stabbing-y throb.

“Saikō!” Iasso, with the aid of some guard, busted my door open. I couldn’t tell if he was concerned or angry, but knowing him it was mostly the latter because, knowing me and drug-induced drowsiness, I had missed that meeting by a lot.

“Get out!” I hissed, curling deeper into the sheets. “I’m not wearing any fucking clothes.”

I watched through a small opening in my mini-fort as Iasso gingerly picked up my worse-for-wear dress tunic. (Several buttons were missing. A certain someone didn’t know it was actually a zipper closure.) Iasso gave the tunic a disgusted look and let it fall to the floor. “I can see that.”

“Excuse my interruption,” the guard cut in nervously, looking at me, “but are you alright?”

How touching. “ _ Leave, _ ” I snapped. “And take him with you. I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Um--” the guard looked unsure of who he should be listening to. 

Iasso turned on his heel and strutted out, the guard gladly following behind. “You’re almost an hour late for that meeting. You have five minutes.”

I’ve timed myself. I can get completely dressed in just over a minute. If I know where my clothes are. (Which I didn’t at the moment, not only because what I  _ had  _ been wearing kind of flew everywhere but also because my spare dress tunic is from when I was about four inches shorter and twenty pounds less muscled. But I guess it would have to do; Iasso would probably kill me if I walked in in anything less than official dress.) 

Now the pain was finally receding to reasonable levels, I managed to get up and hunt for my clothes. I racked my brain trying to figure out what had happened--I wasn’t due for hell for about another week or so. I knew it wasn’t an adverse reaction; I was still using the pills Yuzuki had gotten me. I wasn’t hurt, at least not there.

_ Holy fuck.  _ My search became more frantic rampage than anything. See, I don’t dream. Or rather, I don’t remember them. I haven’t since I was a little kid, and I quite like it that way. (Actually, when I was on the wonky drugs I had some interesting nonsensical ones, but that’s beside the point.) And  _ that,  _ what I had just woken up from, what had just  _ hurt  _ me, was more than a narcotic-induced dream. It was a memory--one of Avatar Korra’s memories, actually, and I have been happily disconnected from her and Raava and the unfortunate brat before me for almost ten years.

“Devika!” I shouted louder than was necessary as I pulled on clothes.  _ Where’s my fucking phone?  _ Pocket. Right. Devika trotted through the open doorway and to my side, nudging me gently. I nuzzled my face into her neck and tried to just breathe a little before I hyperventilated and passed out.  _ Okay. I’m okay.  _ “I need you to stick by me,” I muttered into her fur. When I pulled away she nosed my face, wiping a tear away with a good dose of nose wetness. This time I met her concerned eyes. “ _ Right by me. _ ”

I dialed #1 for for the Fire Nation Air Monastery. 

“Avatar Saikō, what a pleasant surprise!” the cheery operator answered.

(I only put up with her endless cheeriness because the Air Nation has been nothing but nice to me.) I swallowed once to get rid of some of the waver in my voice before replying, “Nora, I need Master Rohan as soon as possible. Is he there?”

“Yes, dear, I think so,” she said, sounding much more worried now. “Is everything okay? It might be better if he comes over--”

“I really need to talk to him. Please, just--just get him on the line.” Panic rose again, quickly--this was the last thing I needed to deal with,  _ ever.  _ Devika, feeling my distress, shifted closer.

“Right away.” I could hear muted yelling from her end, and a few seconds later a new but blessedly familiar voice: “Saikō, are you well?”

I sank to the floor, relief and panic fighting for control. “I don’t know. I had a dream, just now--a memory, one of Korra’s. And I woke up in pain; dreams aren’t supposed to do that, are they? I mean, it felt like my monthly thing except  _ so much worse _ and I don’t know why I’m dreaming again, and I think it happened a few weeks ago but I didn’t really remember anything--”

“Saikō _ , _ ” Rohan interrupted me softly. “Breathe with me, like we practiced, okay?” He began breathing slowly, exaggerating his noises so I could hear.

I tried to copy him, breathing deeply and focusing on my negativity flowing out with my exhales. I hadn’t needed this for years, but it came back easily. After my mom died this was the closest thing to bending I could do for almost a year. I say “closest to bending” because, according to Rohan, the breathing he taught me is some elementary form of spirit bending or chi manipulation or something similar. Whatever it is, it  _ does  _ do  _ something-- _ I always feel kind of tired after, sort of...emotionally exhausted. (This time I couldn’t tell if it was working; I was already taxed well past what it does.) “Okay. I can--” my breath hitched and I had to take a moment to reign it in again.  _ This time.  _ “I got it.”

“Very good; you’re still doing well with it. That is excellent. Pay some more attention to your breathing for now, control it, not the other way around,” he instructed, then paused, I guess waiting to see if I complied. “Will you tell me about this memory? Don’t force it, just let it flow as it wants to.”

( _ Control things, Saikō  _ he said.  _ Just let it do what it wants, Saikō _ he said. I love the man to death but sometimes he is contradictory.) I relayed my dream to him, sans commentary. He let me finish before chipping in.

“It sounds as though you and Kuvira have the same problem,” he said. He knows her pretty well, I think, so I hoped he had more to offer. “Though she must have it well-managed still. I’ve never seen any sign of this. I’ll alert some airbenders in the other nations and have them see if there are any other known cases. Maybe they can find something Yuzuki did not. It might be best for you to speak with Kuvira about this, since she was there and experienced it herself. Are you free tomorrow? I may be able to catch her before she leaves for Zaofu.”

On a good day I would have been excited about that. “Iasso can shift things around; I’ll be free whenever she has time.” I didn’t want to know more about this. I wanted to  _ forget  _ it, forget why I had it, forget what it might mean. I have enough shit on my plate.

“Good.” He took a deep breath. “Saikō, listen closely to me. It is good that you are dreaming again--do not interrupt.”

My indignant protest died before it really began. 

“It. Is. Good. This means you are reconnecting with Raava, with your past lives, and most likely with the other elements. I know you are afraid of losing control again, but you are older now, more experienced, and more aware than you were when you were seven. Embrace this, do not flee from it. I don’t know why Ravaa chose to show that memory to you, so I suggest you meditate on it. She may show you more, or you may open the connection and be able to converse with her directly. What will you not do?”

“Run,” I mumbled grudgingly. His voice soothed me, but my fears remained. I didn’t like the idea of being controlled by a spirit, regardless of how benevolent she was or how entwined we were supposed to be. The last time I had these dreams led eventually to my entering the Avatar State on accident because I was scared, and I hurt the people I was scared for. I was pretty decent at controlling fire then, but I couldn’t control anything, and trying to only seemed to do the opposite.

“I can practically feel your anxiety and I’m a hundred miles away. Trust me, Saikō. If you do as I advise nothing bad will happen.”

Rohan always acted like I could do as he advised as easy as I could walk. I never understood how he managed to have such faith in me--or was he just deluded? “Okay,” I lied. “I will.”

“You can always call me if you need to.”

“Yep.” I rarely called him when I needed to. I...coped well enough. Most of the time. This was just too new for me to handle right now. (I wouldn’t be calling him again.)

“Have a good afternoon, Saiko.”

“You too.” Instead of just hanging up, I turned my phone all the way off and threw it well out of reach. (Usually it bounced off of things. This was a lucky shot; it went right through the wall.)  _ Not now,  _ I reminded myself. I didn’t need Iasso riding my ass any harder.  _ Just get it over with--it’ll be short since he doesn’t want me fucking anything up.  _ I wrangled my dress shirt zipped shut, just barely, and made sure everything was as straight as it could be. The circlet I left crooked, just because.

I could do this. In and out. “Devika, heel.” I strode out of my room and beelined for the meeting room. (From practice I knew I looked intimidating--I fucking  _ owned  _ intimidating. But actually being ready? It didn’t matter how many pep talks I gave myself or how many cuddly dogs I had on my side, I was likely to have a breakdown at the slightest slip.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For purposes of simplicity I’m getting rid of yings from here on out. I don’t have much of a reason besides it’s difficult enough when I only have two options. I’ll go back and fix the rest when I edit.  
> Did the sass come across well? I’m not the greatest with sass since it tends to get me slapped but hopefully the italics are all in the right places XD  
> Yep so apparently Saikō only dreams after sexytimes. Who knew. (It wasn’t going to be at the beginning but for purposes of plot and also I realized things it got moved.) (Use protection, kids.) (Also don’t do drugs.) (And don’t abuse your animals.) (Or people.) If anyone only came here for the original LoK appearances, one: you stuck around this long??? Nice to know I can do something right :P, two: I may have said this at the beginning, but at the moment I am not worried about what is and is not necessary for this story to work. This isn’t going to be officially published or anything so if I want to add a useless tea party scene I will add a useless tea party scene. I generally stay away from those though so there won’t be overwhelming amounts of useless fluff, but because I originally started this as a means to kind of tell what happened after the end of Book Four I will both be free to use whatever POV I feel like and add in whatever Baavira feels I want to :P okay now actual two: there will be more coming, both in the form of dreams/flashbacks and real time meetings. (Just fyi, forgive me if their POVs aren’t that great. I binged all of LoK before I started this but that was over a year ago. Pointers are welcome.)  
> If anyone is curious, the dream scene is about two years into Kuvira’s imprisonment. (Asami made a special cell for Kuvira out of the platinum from her giant mech suit.) Bataar/Baatar, whichever, got five years since Suyin pulled some strings, and has to help modernize the Earth Kingdom, now the United Earth States. (I imagine the government sort of like England’s and sort of like America’s. The states each have their own leader and representatives in Parliament, all elected, and a separate election is held the Presidential Council. Think of the Council members like the Secretaries of Departments in America. (Secretary of Agriculture, Secretary of State, etc.) Each member specializes in issues of a certain nature: medical, agricultural, military, etc. The royal family still exists, but their indpendent ruling power is largely nonexistent. One member is on the Presidental Council in more a morale role. All members spend time at some sort of military institution, sit in on Parliament sessions, etc, so they know what’s going on and stuff.) I always kind of thought Baatar was the more power-hungry one and Kuvira kind of got caught up in it and that’s why she attacked the United Republic. (Aka it wasn’t her idea, mostly because I don’t think she’s stupid enough to think that was a smart move.) Kuvira, after a few scares, got ten years minimum, to be revisted after ten years served. (Because she did, you know, kill people. War crimes or whatever.) But anyway she and Kuvira are kind of friends, much to Asami’s chagrin.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment! I would love to hear your questions, concerns, critiques, etc. of this fic. I'm on Tumblr @maxgreydawolf :D


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